The Power of Communication

“It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it.”

I’m sure we’ve all heard this at least once in our lives. We, as human beings learn from a very young age how to communicate using various sounds, movements that facilitate a message that lets the other party know what it is we want.

As we get older, we learn that communicating the way that we used to, doesn’t always work and we have to resort to another means of communication: using our words to convey what we want. The amazing thing about communication, though, is the fact that it is never ending. Communication episodes (just a fancy term for conversations), as they’re called, are not just complete with verbal communication, but nonverbal communication, as well.

Sometimes what isn’t said, is shown. For example, you could be having a communication episode with another person who is talking about cars. You’re not too interested in cars, but you try to stay engaged in the conversation. You might ask questions so that it looks like you’re engaged. Making eye-contact is a nonverbal and with that it indicates that they have your undivided attention. But let’s throw in the fact that this person just won’t shut up about the specific parts they used to make their “baby”, your nonverbals begin to show. In other words, you tighten up, you are taking deep breaths. I mean it’s only a matter of time before you practically explode. Then again, through those nonverbals, you are giving off the impression that you are losing interest in the subject matter. So what do you do?

Do you listen to this person drone on, despite already being impatient? or Do you try to change the subject?

When you listen on, your nonverbal communication can gradually increase. Your actions could go from being just impatient to impatient and pissed. So that is a no-go.

Changing the subject would be a better idea because not only are you allowing time for yourself to come up for air, you can talk about things that you and the other person have a common interest in.

Wow. The second answer was so seamless! Yeah. Surprisingly, a lot of conflict can be avoided with proper communication.

Granted, how you say things and how you phrase them, are also part of the battle. So here is a scenario…

Original:  “Matty is being a dick, he says he doesn’t want to be seen with me, yet his actions say otherwise”

How you said it: you don’t like how this guy is treating you, by the looks of it, he could be using you.

How you phrased it: condescending tone; visibly frustrated, tired of a constant pattern that is taking shape.

What can be done to remedy a misunderstanding like this…?

COMMUNICATION BETWEEN BOTH PARTIES!!!

Solution: talk to this Matty person, tell him that he is making you feel like crap and that you don’t want to be playing this game where he doesn’t know what he wants.

Essentially by telling the person how they made you feel, you are then able to make your emotions known to the other person. Simple. But not a lot of people do it. If you think about it, not making your emotions known to someone, reinforces the belief they have that everything is okay. Regardless of what kind of relationship it is. You’re not in high school anymore, so quit assuming and reading too much into what another person is saying to you.

Here’s another scenario:

Original: “Oh my god, Tiffany just texted me this! She says that I ‘can’t hang’, how rude. ugh this calls for a petty response!”

How you said it: You’re surprised at this chick’s response and by the looks of it, you’re not sure what she meant, so your first instinct is to go full-on bitch mode.

How they phrased it: Shaken after reading a text; deciding to go full bitch mode, but also not sure about going that route.

This is another example of another kind of misunderstanding.

Solution: Why don’t you ask, “hey what did you mean when you said *insert their comment here* ?”. Explain how he/she made you feel when they said that and hopefully from there, you two can come to an understanding. Also, don’t resort to text message, if you know that your statement could be taken both ways. Better yet, if you’re not sure if something sounds wrong, then don’t send it. Instead, wait for the next time to talk to the person or if you don’t have the luxury of seeing them, call them up.

Bottom line: Communication is the key to healthy relationships. It is always necessary. Even though verbal communication ends when the conversation ends, nonverbal communication doesn’t. The way that we should navigate misunderstandings and miscommunication is by looking for a common ground so that both parties can be heard and understood.

Sending lots of love and light your way!

Advertisements

Living Life With Arms Wide Open

Happy New Year, guys! I am so excited for what 2018 will bring, I really hope that this year brings a ton of positive energy, lots of love, and light in all of your lives. may you accomplish the goals you have set out for yourself this year.

So, I recently got back from vacation with my family. One day, while we were out to eat, we were talking about a ton of interesting things, mainly things that we were thankful for, opportunities we never had, people in our family that we admire and the like. In the midst of the conversation, I thought about a song I had heard earlier that day called “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield, more specifically I thought about the lyrics, in one part:

Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

The part that I put in bold was something that was bouncing around in my head. Living your life with arms wide open. The wording and meaning is pretty self-explanatory, but on that day it meant so much more to me for some reason. Maybe it was the topic that we were on. Maybe it was the fact that my younger sibling and I are two different people with different approaches to life. Now, I’m not saying there is a so-called right approach to life, because the way one person goes about their life isn’t the way another person would go about their own.  The way I see it, there is no right or wrong way to approach life.

My approach to life is taking advantage of opportunities and making the best of these opportunities. I’m someone who doesn’t let anything steer me away from the things that I want to do. In some respects, I’m fearless and try to live in the moment, I might even want to try to document the moment, because that’s the kind of person I am. I’m always down for an adventure with just about anyone, immersing myself in new and exciting experiences that aren’t really seen everyday. I’m loud. I’m crazy. Like I said before, there are no rules when it comes to how you’re enjoying your life.

I get this approach to life from my mom. One of the things that I love about my mom is how she lives her life with arms wide open. When I thought about those lyrics on that day, I didn’t just think about the literal term of living with your arms wide open, I thought about it a different way. To me, it means how you are able to live your life with an immense amount of love in your heart. How you can just open yourself up to feeling something real. How you can live everyday knowing it could be your last. More importantly, it brings into perspective of freeing yourself from all doubts and your insecurities.  You should be able to walk through life confidently, not letting anyone tell you how you should be living your life. Be thankful for yourself, for being present with yourself (gosh, I’m starting to sound like a yoga instructor).

Make every opportunity to be there for yourself the same way that you’re there for the amazing people in your life. Believe in yourself.

Make goals towards being a better you. Do things that you really love. Do what makes you happy. If you have trouble finding what makes you happy, then make it your goal this year to find what it is that makes your heart beat a little faster and brings a smile to your face.

New Years’ Resolutions don’t have to feel unattainable to keep. They just require work, as with anything that you want in this world. If you want something, a change, for example, then you need to put in the work for it to happen. You can’t expect anything to come to you, if you don’t try. Make it your goal to try and to work at what you really want. You want that new job/internship? Apply. You want to get fit and toned, like your fit role models? Put in more time at the gym and eat right. You want to get on the dean’s list this upcoming semester? You better hit the books and study. The list could go on, but when you think about it, these are all simple solutions to your goals.

I think what makes our resolutions feel unattainable are our expectations. Sometimes we get discouraged because we want results *snaps fingers* like that. The truth is, though, life doesn’t work out like that. You need to also learn how to be patient with yourself. Once you become patient with yourself and you hone in on how you can achieve those goals, you are then able to stay consistent with your goals.

Here’s my rule of thumb on how you can keep our New Year’s Resolutions in check, write them down and keep them in a place where you can always find them. I wrote mine down and I left the list on my desk where I can always refer to them.

But most of all, make your goal to live your life with arms wide open. Be open to new things this year. Achieve new things this year. Become a better person. Grow. Learn something new about yourself. Do more of what you love. Spend time with people who really see the amazing person you are. Live simply and strive for happiness in whatever it is that brings a smile to your face. Live for today.

Anything is possible. Sending lots of love and light your way.

Making The Best Out of Your Current Situation

We’ve all been there. That shitty part of life where you feel like nothing is going the way you want, where all you wanna do is curl up in a ball and role into a hole, never to be seen again. I get it. We are human and we are bound to fail one way or another, but that shouldn’t make you want to throw in the towel when life gets shitty or tough. No, you fight for the life you want to live because, well, it becomes well worth it when you make an effort to be mindful about the situations that you find yourself in. Always inculcate an idea of “that’s all you got, life?! BRING. IT. ON. I’M READY FOR YOU!!!” Taking on a boss ass attitude really shows how resilient you can be, it shows your ability to bounce back from whatever life throws at you. 

      Throughout my life, mind you I’m only 20, I’ve met a great deal of people who have gone through hell and back in their lives and the one question I always have for them is “how were you able to go through what you have been through?” Some of the responses I’ve gotten were “well I had no choice, but to move forward”, “I chose to look at the positive/mindful in my life”, “I focused on one thing and that one thing got me through my tough time” that one thing could’ve been his/her ticket that took them out of the situation and into a better life that they provide for themselves. Uh, yeah I’ll take a one way ticket to get me the FUCK outta here. Ha! Totally kidding. By ticket, I don’t mean a physical ticket where you can take the midnight train going anywhere *cue Journey’s ‘Don’t Stop Believin'” *.

 What I mean by ticket is that, symbolically, it means something valuable, irreplaceable, even, to different people. Having that ticket, to them means the absolute world, it is something that they will work towards in order to obtain that golden ticket. Having a ticket also means that it instills a drive, a drive to make their lives better, a drive to become an inspiration to those around them, and ultimately, a drive to grow as a person.

In life, you have two decisions to make after having a bad day or a bad situation, all together: you can either give up, stop trying all together, and hold on to that anger OR you can get back on your feet, say “HEY LIFE! IS THAT THE BEST YOU GOT?!”, And remain mindful about the situation you’re in and try again tomorrow. It’s just a bad day, not a bad life. We’ve all had our own share of bad days and bad situations, but should that stop us? NO. Of course not. 

I’ve had my fair share of drama, my fair share of my bad days. Whether it be with boys, with friends, or with my own family members, it’s all been temporary. The people in my life have come, gone and some things have gotten better, while others were better left alone. For the record, those horrible situations didn’t break me. They made me stronger. They helped mold me into the person I am. Through all of these bad days, I have learned something very valuable about myself and about the people who put me in the shitty situation to begin with. I’ve gained so much perspective and have been able to focus all my energy in being mindful about the situations I find myself in. I used to lock myself in a situation and just think ” well shit. I’m in this situation, so I’m just gonna sit here and do nothing and wait till there’s a solution” . 

 If I were to give my teenage self any advice, it’d be this: You do not find a solution by just sitting on your ass and twiddling your thumbs waiting for something to happen! You find your solutions by looking for one! Don’t stop until you’ve found every possible solution for your situation. My mom taught me this important concept and I almost hate to admit it, but she is right. What good are you gonna do if you just sit and become afraid of the situation you’re in? Nothing! Get up and look for a solution.  You could have it worse, but you don’t! When I was a teenager, I thought every bad day would define who I am or who I would become. Looking back at it, it really doesn’t. What it does define, however, is your outlook or perspective. Coming out of each situation, your attitude changes.

How you react to the situation is based on your attitude and how you choose to react, is up to you. 

 How were you able to overcome a difficult situation? Was it your attitude or was it the people who helped you?

“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control the way you think about all the events”

Panic Attacks: What’s the Big Deal?

Screen Shot 2015-10-07 at 12.02.14 AM

So looking back at my journey of depression, i think i had more anxiety than depression. I got one bad panic attack where my legs literally shook. And down the line, i had more panic attacks. Let me start off saying this but there is a way to efficiently avoid a panic attack and it involves a lot of positive thinking and distracting yourself from it. Keeping yourself grounded is another great way to avoid it too! This exercise involves you looking around at the setting you are in and take a mental note of four things you see in the area, what you are feeling, let’s say you are petting a cat, focus on that, but dont linger on that object for too long. and ask yourself what are you hearing, are you hearing music? What do you smell? Is it a pleasant smell? haha. there are so many ways to get your mind off of your internal thoughts/ panic attack. Now, i am not saying that it is easy but it is worth avoiding a panic attack. When you have a panic attack, it can feel like there are dead ends in all the directions or in all the situations you are in, and i just want to point out real quick that there is a solution to every problem. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. But panic attacks only get worse if you give them the power to. The NUMBER ONE thing you have to do when a panic attack strikes is you have to BREATHE . Breathe the air God has given you. Help yourself though it. Think positive. Think logically, because when a panic attack strikes, it tends to impair your way of thinking. Don’t let it control yoou, if you do then you are just going to wear yourself down thin and you will sink into a deeeep depression. A similar thing happened to me and i accepted all the random thoughts, illogical nonsense, and doubts. It annoyed me and not only was i doing unnecessary harm to myself mentally, but i was emotionally hurting those around me and i didnt mean to. I let my feelings get in the way of my decisions, my mind was everywhere and i could not focus. Thankfully in the bible, in the book of corinthians, the bible says “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” God provides us with a sense of strength and courage to surpass what we think we cannot do, but end up doing. God is faithful, He is everything good and most all He is Love. May God Bless you guys on an amazing day and may you continue to follow the path He has set out for you.

God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen

Have a Blessed Week!

An Inside Look at Depression

Depression is such a touchy subject to talk about. It’s not easy to just “snap yourself out of it”. Believe me I’ve had my fair share of depression and it is the worst feeling in the world. With my depression, I felt bored and anxious at the same time. I was bored with my life and I kept thinking “when will this be over”. I couldn’t sleep at night, I didn’t eat right. And because i wasn’t sleeping right, I wasn’t eating right, and i wasn’t able to make clear decisions. I didn’t harm myself, but I did a lot of mental harm to myself, and I hurt the ones I love. I was letting the demons in my head make the decisions and I was accepting their ridiculous thoughts and I began to accept the negative thoughts. I was a mess. I felt un-motivated. Sleeplessness is common and the worst thing that someone could do is define that illness as themselves. But the fact of the matter is, its not who they are, its not who you are. My word of advice to anyone who feels lost and/ or hopeless, is that you should do these things:

1) get help immediately, if you don’t, it could lead to even more problems down the road. SO now should be the time that you should really stop letting the demons control how to act, how to feel, what to think, and fill your head with with doubts and negative thoughts.

2) Set it apart from who you are as a person.

3) Take care of yourself, Focus on who you were before your depression hit.

4) find something about yourself that you love.

5) Make an effort to smile, when you smile, your whole face changes and you look awesome to be around.

6) Try to journal, documenting how you feel and recording everyday during your journey to recovery is ideal and could really improve your state of mood.

7) find someone whom you can trust in and hangout with them, talk to them.

8) let yourself have fun, enjoy every moment, put yourself out there and realize the amazing person you are becoming.

9) Learn the power of self-love, try to love yourself for who you are and who God made you. Let go and let God work through you.

10) Try to find out who you are and what you like.

11) write down what your hopes and dreams are, what you want to accomplish in you lifetime, where you want to travel- sometimes keeping an open-mind to all of these things you want to do, is all you need to remind you to keep going.

12) working out is also a great way to channel your depression outwards; try doing some yoga as it has relaxing benefits to your overall health and could improve your state-of-being.

13) Ask others how they try to stay positive; maybe their tips could help you and maybe their actions may inspire you to become a better person.

14)  try reading books, there are a lot of self- help books out there by famous actors and actresses, reading does alot as it did for me in my rough time. One book I would definitely recommend to everyone is The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It is an amazing book about finding the treasure that lies within. Go on to Amazon to get yourself a copy of this amazing book from one of my favorite authors, Paulo Coelho.

So this fall semester, I’ve been taking a Psychology course at school and my professor told us one day that Depression is our own reaction to the things that are out of our control. So basically if theres something in your life that happens( i,e death, sickness, weather conditions, etc), they’re not necessarily your fault, its just your mind’s way of reacting to whatever happened in your life. I was with a friend earlier and her and i had a heart to heart telling each other our stories of depression and anxiety and she brought up a great point, she said ” My illness is a part of who I am, but it doesn’t define who I am”, I thought what she said was powerful. To say that your illness is a part of who you are is great but to decide whether or not it defines you, makes it greater haha. All in all, don’t allow yourself to feel this way. its toxic and you just have to find a way out of it. God works in mysterious ways and sometimes even uses our own situations to not only, help us, but to also give us strength and to use that situation to change our attitudes. The bible talks about depression, and in the book of Psalms, there is 2 verses that really stand out to me. ” Trust in the Lord, with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding, In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths.”. This is one of my favorite bible passages because God is basically saying to us to not worry at all, that he has our back, and will definitely push us in the right direction, all we have to do is follow that path that he put us on in the first place. It doesn’t matter if we feel like we are spiraling downwards in life, what God is telling us is ” Hold on, my child, I will make your paths straight, just as long as you put your trust in me”. It doesn’t matter what we have done in our past, what we could’ve done could in no way stop the love that the Lord constantly gives us on a daily basis. ACCEPT THAT LOVE! Accept the Love that God gives you, Let him work through you, in your life and through anyone and everyone you know!

Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference. amen.

God Bless!

Vibe a Little

Learn to Live

UptightPrettyGirl

Lifestyle and Fun

Alys Journals

mental health and lifestyle

UniquelyMe

Why be normal when you can be unique?

%d bloggers like this: