Marrying The Right Person

So not too long ago, I watched a TED talk about how you can find the person you really need to marry.

TV writer of Mad Men and United States of Tara, TEDx presents: Tracy McMillan.

She starts her TED Talk with an interesting hook, that held my attention throughout the TED Talk, then again, Tracy is a TV writer. So this lady knows a thing or two about a thing or two, based on the experiences that she has had in her life.

She starts off by talking about the common song that we have heard (during our childhood) from our friends whenever we were in the presence of someone we liked:

“Tracy and so-and-so sittin’ in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage!”

I mean I feel like all of us have heard this at some point or another. At a young age, you think that those are definitely the keys (brings in the Godfather of keys: DJ Khaled) to life. To fall in love, get married, and to have children. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always work out like that. It’s complete with its twists, turns, and not to mention, downfalls. In my eyes, that’s what makes it interesting.

Anyway, so McMillan puts up on the big screen how her life really panned out. She was married 3 times and out of the three marriages with men, she had a child with one of them. Divorced three times. Falls in love much later. Etc Etc. The one thing I found very interesting about this TEDx Talk, in particular, was how openly candid and positive McMillan was about her experiences in life. To me, it shows how far she has come since that time.  It’s like saying, “yeah it was shit, but I wouldn’t change the outcome of these events.” Amazing.

Time and time again, I always hear people say, ‘oh I regret all the time I spent with such-and-such person’ or something like ‘so-and-so has been an awful person throughout our whole relationship, I hope he catches an STI and dies’. That is no way to live. The events in our lives happen for a reason.  Turn a negative situation, into a positive one.

After she has a third divorce in 2005, she realized she had been marrying everyone in sight, except for the one person she needed to marry. Herself. After her many, many errors in her love life, she finally found the one thing that would change her life in a positive way. This idea became known as: Marrying Yourself. How??? As with any relationship you start off with anyone, you apply that same concept to yourself. You build a relationship with yourself and basically put a ring on it. You commit to yourself and realize that no one, nothing will come between the relationship you have with yourself. As with any kind of relationship, you make it work, you work at this relationship until you feel whole. Until you feel that you can take the next step in the relationship, taking vows for yourself.

McMillan then says that “the places where you have the biggest challenges in your life, become the places where you have the most to give.” She opens up about her life. Her parents weren’t around as much (I don’t want to go into too much detail, as I will post the link to the video at the end of this post) and she was put into the foster care system.

By the time she got out of the foster care system, she had one goal in mind and that was to never be left alone. A way she would accomplish said goal was to get married. She got married at 19 and was thrilled that she found a man who was successful and was a part of his family. 5 years later she leaves him. 10 years later she finds a new man and she gets married. She had a child with him and to this day she still has a great relationship with her now ex-husband. She makes a point about how in the process of learning to love yourself, you have to do be painfully honest to yourself. 8 years later, she gets married a third time. She then breaks it down further. Mind you, she didn’t have the best upbringing, so no one showed her what a healthy relationship between two people looks like or felt like. So when she got married the third time she says that it felt right. What felt right was the idea that she held about being in a relationship, being married. To her, being in a relationship with someone, it meant that she would be secure, that she wouldn’t have to be alone, because she had a companion to share it with.

This is where a lot of people are wrong. I learned not too long ago, that a relationship should be the overflow of your already full cup of tea. If you expect someone to fill your cup, i.e to be your one source of happiness, then you are placing a higher expectation on this particular person. When they leave, you’re still going to be left with you. Left with just an empty cup. Work on making yourself happy and then look for a man.

What McMillan is saying is that when you marry yourself, you’re not just going to date yourself and see where it ends up. You’re going to make sure you keep your promises. Yep, that’s right!  Vows. For richer or for poorer, you are going to love yourself from right. Where. You. Are. Think about it this way, you wouldn’t say to yourself: “when you make it big in Hollywood, then I’ll marry you”. The same thing goes for changing your appearance, you wouldn’t say to yourself: “Once you drop those 15 pounds, then I’ll love you”. NO! You become your own boyfriend/girlfriend. You respect yourself. You shouldn’t be a bitch to yourself. When you marry yourself, you walk yourself down the aisle, exactly where you are. For better or for worse. It’s so easy to love yourself in the times that you feel good about yourself. Some examples are (but are not limited to):

  • new hair cuts/ good hair days
  • Getting a job that aligns with your career
  • losing weight/ gaining muscle

That list could go on… But the worst, is the part we should be focusing on. Sometimes, in life, stuff never goes how you expect it will go. You could plan and schedule down to the exact minute and shit still wouldn’t go as well as you would think it would ( for more on this concept check out What Happens When We Act on Our Expectations? ). The worst is what we fear, but what we have to take into account is that, it is a part of life. Shit happens. Sometimes a relationship doesn’t work out. You didn’t get the dream home you hoped to get. Maybe you didn’t graduate from college. Maybe you have a falling out with your family. Maybe you spend too much of your time being angry and less of your time working through that anger. Whatever it is, Just know that this is all temporary. You agree to marry yourself at all costs.

Life doesn’t give you what you ask for, it gives you people, places, situations and things for you to develop the skills you asked for.

In sickness and in health: You need to get to a point where you can sit by your own bedside, nurse your own broken heart and realize that the only person who has you, is you, to have and to hold. To love yourself the way you want someone to love you.

When you make the decision to marry yourself, you are then able to love someone from where they are, for who they are. The same way you love yourself.

When you go out on dates, you shouldn’t be thinking about how you are coming off to the person, instead, think about how you feel in their presence. Do they make you feel good? Does a calming effect take place the moment you lay eyes on them? Be so committed to yourself, that you become more interested in how you feel about you, rather than how he/she feels about you.

Check out the video below!

The Person You Really Need to Marry

Living Life With Arms Wide Open

Happy New Year, guys! I am so excited for what 2018 will bring, I really hope that this year brings a ton of positive energy, lots of love, and light in all of your lives. may you accomplish the goals you have set out for yourself this year.

So, I recently got back from vacation with my family. One day, while we were out to eat, we were talking about a ton of interesting things, mainly things that we were thankful for, opportunities we never had, people in our family that we admire and the like. In the midst of the conversation, I thought about a song I had heard earlier that day called “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield, more specifically I thought about the lyrics, in one part:

Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

The part that I put in bold was something that was bouncing around in my head. Living your life with arms wide open. The wording and meaning is pretty self-explanatory, but on that day it meant so much more to me for some reason. Maybe it was the topic that we were on. Maybe it was the fact that my younger sibling and I are two different people with different approaches to life. Now, I’m not saying there is a so-called right approach to life, because the way one person goes about their life isn’t the way another person would go about their own.  The way I see it, there is no right or wrong way to approach life.

My approach to life is taking advantage of opportunities and making the best of these opportunities. I’m someone who doesn’t let anything steer me away from the things that I want to do. In some respects, I’m fearless and try to live in the moment, I might even want to try to document the moment, because that’s the kind of person I am. I’m always down for an adventure with just about anyone, immersing myself in new and exciting experiences that aren’t really seen everyday. I’m loud. I’m crazy. Like I said before, there are no rules when it comes to how you’re enjoying your life.

I get this approach to life from my mom. One of the things that I love about my mom is how she lives her life with arms wide open. When I thought about those lyrics on that day, I didn’t just think about the literal term of living with your arms wide open, I thought about it a different way. To me, it means how you are able to live your life with an immense amount of love in your heart. How you can just open yourself up to feeling something real. How you can live everyday knowing it could be your last. More importantly, it brings into perspective of freeing yourself from all doubts and your insecurities.  You should be able to walk through life confidently, not letting anyone tell you how you should be living your life. Be thankful for yourself, for being present with yourself (gosh, I’m starting to sound like a yoga instructor).

Make every opportunity to be there for yourself the same way that you’re there for the amazing people in your life. Believe in yourself.

Make goals towards being a better you. Do things that you really love. Do what makes you happy. If you have trouble finding what makes you happy, then make it your goal this year to find what it is that makes your heart beat a little faster and brings a smile to your face.

New Years’ Resolutions don’t have to feel unattainable to keep. They just require work, as with anything that you want in this world. If you want something, a change, for example, then you need to put in the work for it to happen. You can’t expect anything to come to you, if you don’t try. Make it your goal to try and to work at what you really want. You want that new job/internship? Apply. You want to get fit and toned, like your fit role models? Put in more time at the gym and eat right. You want to get on the dean’s list this upcoming semester? You better hit the books and study. The list could go on, but when you think about it, these are all simple solutions to your goals.

I think what makes our resolutions feel unattainable are our expectations. Sometimes we get discouraged because we want results *snaps fingers* like that. The truth is, though, life doesn’t work out like that. You need to also learn how to be patient with yourself. Once you become patient with yourself and you hone in on how you can achieve those goals, you are then able to stay consistent with your goals.

Here’s my rule of thumb on how you can keep our New Year’s Resolutions in check, write them down and keep them in a place where you can always find them. I wrote mine down and I left the list on my desk where I can always refer to them.

But most of all, make your goal to live your life with arms wide open. Be open to new things this year. Achieve new things this year. Become a better person. Grow. Learn something new about yourself. Do more of what you love. Spend time with people who really see the amazing person you are. Live simply and strive for happiness in whatever it is that brings a smile to your face. Live for today.

Anything is possible. Sending lots of love and light your way.

Cutting Ties

I don’t know about you, but there comes a point in life where we need to cut people who have gone dormant in our lives.

Why should I even spend time thinking about people who really don’t spend a second thinking about me? If someone genuinely cared, they would reach out. I recently realized that it’s okay to cut out anyone who isn’t playing a positive role in your life or is leaving you hanging every time.

Family included. Crazy. But not uncommon.

On Christmas eve, my family and I went to go drop off gifts at a relative’s house. As we pull in, we saw the car of a family member that basically shut themselves off from the family. We walk in, lo and behold said family member was sitting at the table, eating

“Feliz Navidad” (Merry Christmas), they said.

My brother and I went to go say hi, talk with them and another family member. Before I knew it, it was time for us to leave. Through the brief conversation, here’s what was exchanged:

“Wow, did you cut your hair? looks cute.”

“Yeah, I did, thanks.”

By that point, I had to leave. So I basically told this person to not be a stranger.

But how can I tell someone to not be a stranger, if they’ve already made the decision to be one? How can someone just wake up one day and just shut themselves off from someone?

It’s surprisingly simple and unfortunately, it happens more often than not. The other day this week, I went on a LITERAL delete/unfollow/unfriend-ing spree on ALL my social media accounts. I had already made a mental list of all the people I don’t talk to, people who I have given endless chances, people who don’t deserve my time, etc. It’s not worth wasting my energy, getting mad and bent out of shape over them. I distance myself from people like this.

Distancing myself from someone is a way of saying to them “hey yeah, I dropped you, now let’s see if you care as much as I did”. Not only that, but it also shows that I’ve finally chosen myself over the person and as sad as it is, that is my choice to let them go. If the person, however, notices then it’s a good thing because then you can clear the air with them. Communication is key in every relationship.

Granted, in deleting all the people from my life, I didn’t take it as “I hate them, so let me unfollow them, because they piss me off”. I don’t hate anyone nor do I hold any grudges. What is the point in holding a grudge about something someone did months/years ago? While they’re out living their best life, you’re here, hating them and what they did to you ages ago. You are hurting yourself more than the person you’re hating. Make the choice to forgive.

Forgive them and also forgive yourself. Sometimes in forgiving them and yourself, you make the decision to cut ties or continue your relationship with the person. With some people, you shouldn’t make the rash decision of cutting someone out of your life, if you’re not in the right head space or have yet to forgive them and what they did to you, then hold off on doing so. You don’t have to say anything to them. But also keep in mind, cutting someone out of your life is a mental and emotional process.

I mean think about it, if you don’t see anything positive coming from the relationship you have with the person or you simply don’t talk anymore (because let’s face it we all get caught up in life), then cut them off. What good is having a person who won’t call you, catch up with you, in your life? You have the choice to end the friendship, relationship, whatever, and just move on. In this way, you are able to make room in your life for people who definitely see it the way you do, will give you the satisfaction of catching up with you and be a positive influence in your life.

Sometimes it hurts, but it hurting is part of the healing process and a fact of life. If you want to move forward in your life, what is holding you back? Is it the grudges that you hold against other people? If so, learn to Let. It. Go.

You deserve people in your corner, but most of all, you deserve all the good that there is in this world.

Making The Best Out of Your Current Situation

We’ve all been there. That shitty part of life where you feel like nothing is going the way you want, where all you wanna do is curl up in a ball and role into a hole, never to be seen again. I get it. We are human and we are bound to fail one way or another, but that shouldn’t make you want to throw in the towel when life gets shitty or tough. No, you fight for the life you want to live because, well, it becomes well worth it when you make an effort to be mindful about the situations that you find yourself in. Always inculcate an idea of “that’s all you got, life?! BRING. IT. ON. I’M READY FOR YOU!!!” Taking on a boss ass attitude really shows how resilient you can be, it shows your ability to bounce back from whatever life throws at you. 

      Throughout my life, mind you I’m only 20, I’ve met a great deal of people who have gone through hell and back in their lives and the one question I always have for them is “how were you able to go through what you have been through?” Some of the responses I’ve gotten were “well I had no choice, but to move forward”, “I chose to look at the positive/mindful in my life”, “I focused on one thing and that one thing got me through my tough time” that one thing could’ve been his/her ticket that took them out of the situation and into a better life that they provide for themselves. Uh, yeah I’ll take a one way ticket to get me the FUCK outta here. Ha! Totally kidding. By ticket, I don’t mean a physical ticket where you can take the midnight train going anywhere *cue Journey’s ‘Don’t Stop Believin'” *.

 What I mean by ticket is that, symbolically, it means something valuable, irreplaceable, even, to different people. Having that ticket, to them means the absolute world, it is something that they will work towards in order to obtain that golden ticket. Having a ticket also means that it instills a drive, a drive to make their lives better, a drive to become an inspiration to those around them, and ultimately, a drive to grow as a person.

In life, you have two decisions to make after having a bad day or a bad situation, all together: you can either give up, stop trying all together, and hold on to that anger OR you can get back on your feet, say “HEY LIFE! IS THAT THE BEST YOU GOT?!”, And remain mindful about the situation you’re in and try again tomorrow. It’s just a bad day, not a bad life. We’ve all had our own share of bad days and bad situations, but should that stop us? NO. Of course not. 

I’ve had my fair share of drama, my fair share of my bad days. Whether it be with boys, with friends, or with my own family members, it’s all been temporary. The people in my life have come, gone and some things have gotten better, while others were better left alone. For the record, those horrible situations didn’t break me. They made me stronger. They helped mold me into the person I am. Through all of these bad days, I have learned something very valuable about myself and about the people who put me in the shitty situation to begin with. I’ve gained so much perspective and have been able to focus all my energy in being mindful about the situations I find myself in. I used to lock myself in a situation and just think ” well shit. I’m in this situation, so I’m just gonna sit here and do nothing and wait till there’s a solution” . 

 If I were to give my teenage self any advice, it’d be this: You do not find a solution by just sitting on your ass and twiddling your thumbs waiting for something to happen! You find your solutions by looking for one! Don’t stop until you’ve found every possible solution for your situation. My mom taught me this important concept and I almost hate to admit it, but she is right. What good are you gonna do if you just sit and become afraid of the situation you’re in? Nothing! Get up and look for a solution.  You could have it worse, but you don’t! When I was a teenager, I thought every bad day would define who I am or who I would become. Looking back at it, it really doesn’t. What it does define, however, is your outlook or perspective. Coming out of each situation, your attitude changes.

How you react to the situation is based on your attitude and how you choose to react, is up to you. 

 How were you able to overcome a difficult situation? Was it your attitude or was it the people who helped you?

“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control the way you think about all the events”

How to Get On the Right Path In Your Life This Year

Hello there! It’s been a while since I last blogged! I’ve been meaning to write something like this since the New Year started! So without further ado! HA-HA. I present to you, my readers, ways on how YOU can get on the right path and where you want to be, in terms of your life, this year and how you can achieve the goals you’ve had for a while, but have not known where to start. I just want to say that I am beyond excited for the new adventures this year holds and of course what God has in store for all of us (because believe it or not, He grants us awesome adventures, too!) So lets get started!

So if you’re bored most of the time and feel that you have nothing to do, other than instagram, snapchat, facebook, twitter, repeat. Then you should look for a hobby!

Hobbies can be anything you want them to be, you can take knitting classes, crochet classes, painting classes, etc. OR if you are a make-up fiend like me, sign up for some beauty classes at Sephora, they’re completely free to all beauty rewards members!

There are tons of things for you to do and for you to learn!

Try making a dreams poster, if you ever feel lost in your life and you need something that keeps you grounded, this is definitely a craft for you. All you need is poster paper, and at the center of this you put your support system(it can be your friends, family members, anyone who makes you feel good) and to the upper right hand corner, as well as downwards you put any academic goals( so if you want to transfer or graduate from a specific university, put it on there; if you want to get your bachelors and doctorate, then you put that there). If you have any careers you’re dreaming about, but don’t know where to start, put down a couple that interest you in the bottom right hand corner. Then on the bottom left hand corner put all the places you want to travel to at some point in your life. Finally, on the top left hand corner put people you look up to as well as other aspirations, like having a family, living in a big house, etc. etc. Most of all, have fun with this!

If you’re someone like me, who loves to learn new things and immerse themselves in unique experiences, then I recommend that you go to a conference.

About two weeks ago, I went to a Social Justice conference at my school. We talked about a myriad of issues in today’s society, most of which we know about and are always looming over us as young adults. The main purpose of this program was to bring to mind the different issues among many ethnicities and how we can respond to those indifferences in our society. Ethnicities was a major part of what we talked about and we stemmed from that to talk about different issues that bother us in our everyday lives, like the stigma of mental health, sexual orientation, and differences in privilege, mainly how that varies from person to person, based on their race/ethnicities, socioeconomic class, age, among many other things. After that event, I can sincerely and honestly say that I actually learned something and got something out of attending an awesome event! I gained a lot more insight and awareness in terms of diversity. I got to hear many stories, ideas, along with different points of views, that were definitely well-articulated. This conference really helped me open my eyes to not only the issues in our society, but how thankful I am to have experiences like these. Experiences that make you realize ” wow, I am so blessed to be able to go to school with people who recognize the similar issues that we-of a different race-all go through” , or that being surrounded with a group of people who think outside of the box and offer interesting new insights to how we can solve the problems that we as young people, being exposed to this first hand, whether it be working our way through college, dealing with financial aid, scholarships, racism, etc. It’s then that you realize how amazing and valuable each opinion is. I met so many new people that day who think and have similar beliefs as me and really enjoy learning new things in just about anything!

Next goal, if you want to get fit, toned and ready for summer 2k17, then I recommend that you consult with a doctor or a person who knows a great deal about nutrition and exercise and if you’d like to take it a step further, enroll at a gym!

As with anything that takes some time to get used to, getting up early and hauling your ass to a local gym is tough at first, but keep in mind that consistency is key. The more consistent you are with going to the gym, the more it becomes a habit. Just because you worked out in the morning on one day, doesn’t mean you should follow that same schedule. It is completely up to you. If you’re more of a night time work-out person, that is completely okay. If you want to alternate between days, like one day go in the morning, another day go at night, you can do that! That is your choice! I’m more of a wake-up-early-get-gym- over-with-kind of person haha. But given the schedule I have this semester, I’ve gotten flexible with my hours.

Make sure that you are eating healthier, sleeping well, and choosing healthier substitutes to your everyday diet. When you workout, you should not be eating like crap. I mean it’s good to treat yo’self to a good dessert or cheat meal every once in a while, but always remember moderation is key when it comes to eating right. As far as I know, if you want results, make the necessary changes to your diet. Something as small as giving up soda, is just as good as choosing a salad over cookies. Again, I am not a doctor, so therefore I cannot say what you should and shouldn’t eat or what absorbs what at the molecular level. The choice is completely up to you and your fitness goals.

Whatever you decide to do this year, whether its discover a new hobby, working out/ getting to a new lifestyle, or making the decision to go back to school, remember to always have a positive attitude while doing so. I understand that, in this day and age, its like

“how the hell is that possible?!”

Well, it’s actually easier than you think. The key is to notice when you are getting negative thoughts, that contribute to a negative attitude, and try to counteract those with positive thoughts and attitudes.

Just be happy, don’t look for another reason why you shouldn’t be. Be happy with the fact that you are going to become a newer person by the time 2017 ends. You will have learnt new things and actually have different attitudes on things that once either bothered you or dissuaded you. Make this year, the year YOU become happy. If you’re happy when you’re looking for a new hobby, or a new workout plan, GO FOR IT! I am behind you 100% in anything positive and worthwhile you want to immerse yourself in. Just as long as you’re happy doing your own thing, thats all that should really matter. Anything positive that you want to do in your life or anything that you want to change for the better? Do it. Do it with an eager heart and a positive attitude.

Salud y Fuerza!

(Health and Strength)





The Meaning of Being in a Relationship and Staying Single

Screen Shot 2016-05-01 at 12.34.34 PM.png

Whats the deal with relationships these days? Frankly, the way i see is,  it’s either you’re in one or you’re not. There shouldn’t be any in betweens.

So a while back i was thinking about something about relationships now a days and now that i have it, i’d like to share it with all of you. Society has done many things like: a. make us feel like we can’t attain a set standard they set for us or b. completely bash the celebrities who have actually fought with their inner demons and have finally realized what it means, to them, to finally be happy with who they are and who they’re meant to be all along. But im not posting this to go into detail about a and b. I want to bring into focus that among the many things that society has done, there is one that really stands out in my mind: the way it conditioned us to think about relationships. Society has conditioned us to think that once we enter a relationship with someone, our moods shift from being ehh to being happy. Let it be known that getting into a relationship, doesn’t really solve all your problems and i get that it seems like it does, it really doesn’t. You shouldn’t be stemming all of your happiness from one person. Happiness should stem from you and only you, even before you even get into a relationship with someone. Because the moment that you set your happiness on that one person, is the moment that they might just turn around and hurt you, therefore making them the reason why your everything just became your nothing, real quick.

The thing about relationships is that its a really touchy subject. Look, I’m not here to bash on anyones beliefs on what a relationship is or how youre supposed to feel in a relationship, I’m just stating from my experience and what I’ve noticed. From my perspective, Love isn’t characterized by someone liking your photo on Instagram or how many times they have commented on you photo. Love is not described as writing a paragraph long caption stating why and how much you love someone. Love isn’t characterized by seeing who texts first in the morning or an instant text back.  Love is something that really shouldn’t be between the whole world and you two. It’s only ever supposed to be about the two of you and what you want out of the relationship.

Now, I’ve recently decided to take a vow of celibacy. At first, it was for shits, but quickly I began to realize the reason why I’m doing this. I realize that I am a woman of worth and that I really shouldn’t be dumbing myself down to being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t even acknowledge my worth as another man would. It annoys me when people, mainly guys say-about girls- “oh look man, she’s single, you gonna hit that?”- like even if she was looking for a man, think about it, would she be looking for someone like the guy I just mentioned? Most likely not. But we also have to take into account if that kind of person is what she’s into.  If she’s a different person, with different goals in mind, she would be someone who is really not looking for anything.  There are so many more factors that may impact someone’s reasons as to why they’re not ready-right away- to get into a new relationship.
But the fact of the matter is, I don’t really care if you’re in a relationship or not, all I care about is if you’re happy in the relationship and if you are happy, then my opinion shouldn’t really matter to you. Genuinely, I respect and admire those who realize they need to figure out exactly what they want and reflect on that through the things they love. That’s what I’m doing. I’ve found that I love yoga and I’ve been praying a lot more, so not only am I helping to strengthen myself physically, but also spiritually. You don’t have to declare yourself celibate to find what you like, but you can find what you like and, at the same time, meet people who fulfill the same things you’re interested in. But I declared celibacy for a wide range of things, mainly just to focus on myself. I want to focus on myself and on my happiness before I jump into a relationship with someone.

Okaaay that’s all folks!

Self-Validity in the Eyes of God


Hey there! It’s been a long time since i last blogged on here. So let’s talk about one of the most important subjects that are pretty personal: Self-Validity in the Eyes of God. So what is self-validity? Well to me, it means knowing who you are and realizing that you are a person worth of love. Which brings me to another point… I really hate seeing girls continuously letting themselves  be defined by the opinions of other guys. So what? Who gives a fuck about their opinions? The only opinion who you should care about is from the one from above. Self-worth doesn’t come from external sources like how many likes you get or how many guys you’ve slept with. Just because you didn’t get as many likes you wanted doesn’t mean that it makes you worth less than who you are. You are you. If people don’t like your photo, who gives a shit. There are more important things than yourself in this world. I really hate seeing people lose sight of this. I hate when they live their lives according to what other people think. It shouldn’t matter. Why? Because you are an individual, and individuals live their lives on their own terms. What people think about you shouldn’t matter. If you form your thoughts around how people see you and what they think about you, you will become depressed. Yeah everyone will still have their opinions, but what will only matter is what you think about yourself. Once you know that, you then find out who you are and you learn to love who you are.

It has taken a really long time to realize my self-worth and to forget about what people think about me. I think it took me a while to learn to love who i am. I learned to accept every part of myself, the physical, emotional, and mental parts of myself. I didn’t think there was such a thing as loving yourself, i thought it was a joke, but it really isn’t, it’s possible to love yourself for the person you are. I think everyone is beautiful in their own ways, but sometimes those people don’t even see it. And that hurts me. Because i used to be that way. People would say that i’m beautiful all the time, but i would never bring myself to believe it. Whenever i got down on myself and broke down crying, my mom would always tell me how beautiful i am and how i should learn to love who i am. Confidence is sexy. I became more confident in my freshman year of college. I mean, senior year was the year i became confident, but i fell under a dark depression towards the end of that year.

I believe that once you become confident, the boys start to line up to get with your confident self

That’s another thing. Only get into a relationship when you’re confident with who you are. Too many times, i have seen people who aren’t confident with themselves, get into relationships in hopes of having the person they’re going out with , to like them the way they are. The thing is, you cant make someone love you the way you don’t love yourself. How’s that even possible? It isn’t. When you’re in a relationship, you have to be confident, with what you want out of the relationship, what you want with the person, and above all, confident with yourself. When you’re not confident with any of the things i’ve listed, you’re simply not fit for a relationship. That’s through no fault of your own, you gotta know what you want and who you want and why you want what you want in a relationship.

Oh and respecting yourself too. When you learn to respect yourself, a magical thing happens, people see that and they begin to respect you are you respect yourself. Funny, huh? It takes you to get people to respect you. Respecting yourself also stems from knowing who you are and what you want out of a relationship. When you respect yourself, it shows how beautiful you are and how you demand to be treated. And how you are not one to fuck around with, but how you are one to fuck with.


Okayy Thats all Folks!


Lord grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.


God Bless, My brothers and Sisters in Christ!



Panic Attacks: What’s the Big Deal?

Screen Shot 2015-10-07 at 12.02.14 AM

So looking back at my journey of depression, i think i had more anxiety than depression. I got one bad panic attack where my legs literally shook. And down the line, i had more panic attacks. Let me start off saying this but there is a way to efficiently avoid a panic attack and it involves a lot of positive thinking and distracting yourself from it. Keeping yourself grounded is another great way to avoid it too! This exercise involves you looking around at the setting you are in and take a mental note of four things you see in the area, what you are feeling, let’s say you are petting a cat, focus on that, but dont linger on that object for too long. and ask yourself what are you hearing, are you hearing music? What do you smell? Is it a pleasant smell? haha. there are so many ways to get your mind off of your internal thoughts/ panic attack. Now, i am not saying that it is easy but it is worth avoiding a panic attack. When you have a panic attack, it can feel like there are dead ends in all the directions or in all the situations you are in, and i just want to point out real quick that there is a solution to every problem. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. But panic attacks only get worse if you give them the power to. The NUMBER ONE thing you have to do when a panic attack strikes is you have to BREATHE . Breathe the air God has given you. Help yourself though it. Think positive. Think logically, because when a panic attack strikes, it tends to impair your way of thinking. Don’t let it control yoou, if you do then you are just going to wear yourself down thin and you will sink into a deeeep depression. A similar thing happened to me and i accepted all the random thoughts, illogical nonsense, and doubts. It annoyed me and not only was i doing unnecessary harm to myself mentally, but i was emotionally hurting those around me and i didnt mean to. I let my feelings get in the way of my decisions, my mind was everywhere and i could not focus. Thankfully in the bible, in the book of corinthians, the bible says “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” God provides us with a sense of strength and courage to surpass what we think we cannot do, but end up doing. God is faithful, He is everything good and most all He is Love. May God Bless you guys on an amazing day and may you continue to follow the path He has set out for you.

God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen

Have a Blessed Week!

An Inside Look at Depression

Depression is such a touchy subject to talk about. It’s not easy to just “snap yourself out of it”. Believe me I’ve had my fair share of depression and it is the worst feeling in the world. With my depression, I felt bored and anxious at the same time. I was bored with my life and I kept thinking “when will this be over”. I couldn’t sleep at night, I didn’t eat right. And because i wasn’t sleeping right, I wasn’t eating right, and i wasn’t able to make clear decisions. I didn’t harm myself, but I did a lot of mental harm to myself, and I hurt the ones I love. I was letting the demons in my head make the decisions and I was accepting their ridiculous thoughts and I began to accept the negative thoughts. I was a mess. I felt un-motivated. Sleeplessness is common and the worst thing that someone could do is define that illness as themselves. But the fact of the matter is, its not who they are, its not who you are. My word of advice to anyone who feels lost and/ or hopeless, is that you should do these things:

1) get help immediately, if you don’t, it could lead to even more problems down the road. SO now should be the time that you should really stop letting the demons control how to act, how to feel, what to think, and fill your head with with doubts and negative thoughts.

2) Set it apart from who you are as a person.

3) Take care of yourself, Focus on who you were before your depression hit.

4) find something about yourself that you love.

5) Make an effort to smile, when you smile, your whole face changes and you look awesome to be around.

6) Try to journal, documenting how you feel and recording everyday during your journey to recovery is ideal and could really improve your state of mood.

7) find someone whom you can trust in and hangout with them, talk to them.

8) let yourself have fun, enjoy every moment, put yourself out there and realize the amazing person you are becoming.

9) Learn the power of self-love, try to love yourself for who you are and who God made you. Let go and let God work through you.

10) Try to find out who you are and what you like.

11) write down what your hopes and dreams are, what you want to accomplish in you lifetime, where you want to travel- sometimes keeping an open-mind to all of these things you want to do, is all you need to remind you to keep going.

12) working out is also a great way to channel your depression outwards; try doing some yoga as it has relaxing benefits to your overall health and could improve your state-of-being.

13) Ask others how they try to stay positive; maybe their tips could help you and maybe their actions may inspire you to become a better person.

14)  try reading books, there are a lot of self- help books out there by famous actors and actresses, reading does alot as it did for me in my rough time. One book I would definitely recommend to everyone is The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It is an amazing book about finding the treasure that lies within. Go on to Amazon to get yourself a copy of this amazing book from one of my favorite authors, Paulo Coelho.

So this fall semester, I’ve been taking a Psychology course at school and my professor told us one day that Depression is our own reaction to the things that are out of our control. So basically if theres something in your life that happens( i,e death, sickness, weather conditions, etc), they’re not necessarily your fault, its just your mind’s way of reacting to whatever happened in your life. I was with a friend earlier and her and i had a heart to heart telling each other our stories of depression and anxiety and she brought up a great point, she said ” My illness is a part of who I am, but it doesn’t define who I am”, I thought what she said was powerful. To say that your illness is a part of who you are is great but to decide whether or not it defines you, makes it greater haha. All in all, don’t allow yourself to feel this way. its toxic and you just have to find a way out of it. God works in mysterious ways and sometimes even uses our own situations to not only, help us, but to also give us strength and to use that situation to change our attitudes. The bible talks about depression, and in the book of Psalms, there is 2 verses that really stand out to me. ” Trust in the Lord, with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding, In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths.”. This is one of my favorite bible passages because God is basically saying to us to not worry at all, that he has our back, and will definitely push us in the right direction, all we have to do is follow that path that he put us on in the first place. It doesn’t matter if we feel like we are spiraling downwards in life, what God is telling us is ” Hold on, my child, I will make your paths straight, just as long as you put your trust in me”. It doesn’t matter what we have done in our past, what we could’ve done could in no way stop the love that the Lord constantly gives us on a daily basis. ACCEPT THAT LOVE! Accept the Love that God gives you, Let him work through you, in your life and through anyone and everyone you know!

Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference. amen.

God Bless!