Meant to Stay

Hey y’all, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? Well, I’ve been on vacation to Colombia (more on that in another post) visiting some family. I love it over here and I can’t wait to share with you all about my trip once I get back!

But in other news, I’ve been meaning to talk about this topic for quite a bit. In fact, as wild as it sounds, I definitely felt called to talk about this because it’s something that is going on in my life right now.

And it’s a topic that has been reverberating in the back of my mind throughout most of my life, up to this point.

But first, I would like to open up this post with a question:

Have you ever had people come back into your life and for some reason, you think it’s a sign that they’re meant to stay in your life?

Haha, I know, long question.

But this is the question I wanted to pose to you before I began, because I’m pretty sure most of us-if not all of us- has felt that way at some point in our lives.

Lately, for the past year or so and more recently, I’ve had people from my past just message me out of nowhere. Whether it be on social media or through text. So far this summer, it has been a total of three people.

Now, I don’t have a problem with this, like at all. I love people. But with this sort of stuff, it’s really interesting how frequent this has happened. This happened in a matter of a week. And I’m left with so many questions.

Y’all I live in a state of perpetual confusion, a lot of the time haha.

But in all seriousness though, I often ask myself: “What does this mean for me?” “Does this mean that I have to let them back into my life?” and then I start overthinking, which is no bueno.

I’ve always been a firm believer in the saying: “If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, then it was meant to be” , but time and time again has proved that quote to be pretty problematic, at least in my life.

I don’t know if anyone else has felt that way, but I’ve been a tad unrealistic when it came to people coming back into my life.

If you haven’t noticed, I’m someone who really gives people the benefit of doubt, even if it had been many times that they have left and entered my life.

If anything, this quote has also made me a little too optimistic about the people I loved and the high hopes I had when they came back.

Little did I know that the joy of having them back, would be short-lived and the same cycle would ensue.

The apologies, the make ups, the breakups and repeat (you can read more about that here).

I’m at a point in my life where I’m not only trying to think ahead, but I’m also becoming more conscious of who I let back into my life. I do this by trying to weigh the risks of them being in my life.

What are the long-term consequences of having them in my life?

The thing is, I’ve been broken before. I’ve overthought every possible scenario. I’ve lost sleep over these people. I’ve tried to keep things simple with them in my life, but I just can’t do that anymore.

I’m guarding myself, for lack of a better term, from the pain that would come with letting people like that come back into my life.

I don’t want anymore pain in my life.

I don’t want to wonder what-if or if the person is the one.

I mean, at the end of the day, people walk in and out of our lives like it’s nothing, right? That’s how life works. It’s like a revolving door of people who come in and out of your world—your life. We never really know why this happens, but it just does.

And the crazy thing about it is, that is all out of our control.

As I’ve said before, I don’t have a problem with people leaving my life, it’s the whole thing about them coming back. For me, it’s like a slap in the face.

What also bothers me about it is, I can’t be as open as I used to be, especially if it is someone who had hurt me in the past. I can’t let someone like that back into my life unless I get answers to these two questions:

  • What’s up?
  • What made you hit me up?

Even so, I still have to decide whether I should let them back into my life, or not. I have to think about whether or not I should keep my distance.

Spoiler alert: I end up keeping my distance, until I get used to being friends with the person.

At the end of the day, I can’t make the same mistakes I made as a teenager.

I’m an adult, dammit. I have responsibilities. I got shit to do.

So the bottom line is: Just because someone reaches out, it doesn’t automatically mean that they’re meant to stay in your life. If it doesn’t feel right, let them know how you feel about it.

And as much as I hate to admit it, I have to train my mind to be stronger than my emotions (more on that here), which is hard for me to do, given how I’m wired and all, but I have to do that, for me.

I can’t afford to lose myself again.

Sending love and light your way,

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