Hey Friends! I hope all is well with y’all and that you had an amazing Christmas.
In these last couple of days of the year, it is incredible to see the amount of growth over the course of 67 months.
I was doing some reflecting over these past couple of days and where I was in the beginning of the year, doesn’t compare to where I am now.
And while this pandemic has stripped a lot of us from any tangible source of success, it’s really important to reflect in the ways we have grown.
But… that doesn’t necessarily mean that we’re set with growth. No matter how old we are or how much we think we know, we’re always learning new things about the world around us.
Life is all about the experiences we go through and the lessons that we can take out of these experiences.
Of the things I learned a little bit more of this year, is dating.
Since this year was the year I graduated, it opened up more time in my schedule for the summer and fall to explore that area of my life.
However, as the year went on and I went through date after date with 3 different people, I learned 3 things: the value of waiting, understanding what I really want, and ultimately learning more about myself.
So let’s dive in to see what I learned while dating in a pandemic!
The Value of Waiting
Of the many things that this pandemic has taught me, it was the value of waiting.
I started talking to guys a couple of weeks after my last final, back in May. Mind you, in my state, nothing was really open, except for outdoor dining.
No ice cream shops
Not even parks.
So it was really tough to figure out when and where to meet up with these guys when everything was all up in the air.
I’m sure a bunch of us ladies were setting up dates with guys… only to never really go on them in the future haha.
But as with anything, I wanted to see things through and if it meant I had to wait until it was an ideal time to meet at a park for example, I’d wait.
For once, in my life, I didn’t feel like I was in a rush for anything.
If it happened, it happened and if it didnt, it didn’t. But what would matter the most to me was waiting for the right moment to come around.
Understanding What I Really Want
Throughout this whole experience of dating and meeting new people, I learned a lot more about what I really want.
In the beginning of this adventure of re-visiting dating apps and actually immersing myself in it, I went into it thinking I wanted one kind of guy:
the super sweet and super loving
patient and above all, Christian guy
Date #1: The one with an open mind
But my first guy, strayed from all of that, because I liked what this guy had to say, how we thought alike in a lot of things like politics, and just what we were looking for in a person at that time.
It was fun, we would facetime and once parks opened up, we jumped on that opportunity and saw each other in person. It was fun, until I got ghosted.
Date #2: The one I didn’t see coming
So then I took a little break, re-evaluated what I was looking for and found someone who I didn’t really expect to meet, someone who was a friend-of-a-friend.
This was someone who I basically reconnected with, since we met back in 2017. I had heard such great things about him even before then and I really wanted to hang out with him to know what he was all about.
At this point, I was looking for someone who was: sweet, smart and passionate about doing good things in their communities.
Over the course of 6 dates in the span of 4 months, I remember feeling like something was missing.
We weren’t exactly a couple, but yet we both had kissed each other when the time was right. And I did everything I could have possibly done: I managed my expectations, I made sure to communicate what I wanted from the
entanglement relationship (whatever that was), and most of all, I tried to give him the space he needed.
But even after all my efforts, I got ghosted and this was just October.
Date #3: The one who was “perfect”
About two weeks later and my search for a guy was still the same: someone who was passionate about serving their communities, who was employed, and who held a lot of those same values I had (family, God, success etc.).
And funny enough, I found him. One late evening, I met this kid on hinge, and we talked the whole night.
We were so alike in the way that we thought and we even took it a step further as to literally challenging each other in the right ways.
About two weeks in, we facetimed and opened up to each other. A week later, we went out on our first date.
Not long after that, I got long text messages telling me how wonderful I was. 8 hour facetime calls. Free starbucks. Planned out dates.
I mean this kid was literally spoiling me… within a month of knowing me.
But during this time of these elaborate expressions of love… I realized that I still had walls up.
Even when someone really says that they’ll never leave you… do you believe it and take it as gospel?
How can someone say that they are fully committed to you within only a couple of months of knowing you?
His love was a lot for me to handle and in time, it fizzled out and all those elaborate expressions of love–went out the window.
and for once, I’m thankful it did.
What I really want now, isn’t just some other guy, but rather peace in my life. I realize now that I’m still healing from the after effects of going from thing to thing and even my last relationship.
There’s a lot of things in my life that I need to learn and to understand about myself.
Learning More About Myself
Throughout each of these experiences, I found out a lot more about myself. What I can handle and what I can’t.
I don’t hesitate anymore when something violates a value I hold.
I keep in mind that nothing is forever and that while something starts off great, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s going to be forever.
Life has us on this incredible journey and it’d be a shame if we came out of each situation feeling worn and sad at the world, as to why things or a certain moment in time ended.
I’m on this path of growth and after doing some reflections over the past couple of weeks/days… I realized a couple of things:
If someone wants to walk out of your life, don’t beg them to stay. While they already made their decision, they also helped you make room for better people in your life.
Maybe now isn’t the right time to date, cases are still spiking and the more I would go on these dates the more of a risk I ran of catching COVID. I can’t keep doing this, prioritizing dating over the health and safety of my own family. It’s not right or moral.
I know it seems so great having someone during the season and stuff, but I realized there was more to life than that.
Maybe falling in love with someone isn’t the goal of life.
But rather the point of life is to fall in love with who you’re becoming. To fall in love with the way that life just is. To come to an understanding that you are capable of achieving the goals you set with or without someone by your side.
Sending a ton of love and light your way,