Did you have a tinder/bumble/hinge irl date go so well, that the guy, girl or gender non binary person texted you afterwards telling you how much fun they had?
And did you smile with delight and think in that moment, “wow, this person was really great and I can’t wait to see them again”?
A couple of days pass and you talk, but not as much as you had hoped… Until one day, you’re left wondering…
“Did I just get ghosted?”
If it’s been more than two days without a response, without a ‘good morning’ text, chances are, you’ve been ghosted.
In this post, I’m going to talk about why it happens, how common it is, followed by two things you can do to gain a better understanding. Let’s get started!
Why Does Ghosting Happen?
It happens when the person doesn’t have the common courtesy to let you know what happened from their perspective.
Relationships are all about communication and if this person didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell you what’s up, that’s on them. Not on you.
Any guy/girl/person who doesn’t have the decency to let you know that they don’t want to waste your time, is a clown. Real relationships are built on two foundations, honesty and communication.
How common is this phenomenon?
Believe me, you could literally do everything right, like make known of what you are looking for in a person, what your values are, make sure you’re not rushing anything… AND STILL GET GHOSTED.
It could be that the date went fantastic for both parties and you made sure not to kiss on the first date… AND STILL GET GHOSTED.
It could be that you go on two dates and you were thinking of sleeping over on the third… AND STILL BE GHOSTED!!!
Regardless of the outcome, it is so common that most people have become numb to it. Lately, for me it has happened a total of three times, with three different guys. With the most recent one happening from a bumble date. As crazy as it sounds, my being ghosted almost always happens when I start catching feelings for the person.
So what can you do?
So if you’re fed up with guys/girls/people literally ghosting you more times than you can count, there are actually two things you can do!
If it’s been longer than 2 days, don’t be afraid to reach out with a simple text. Think of this as a follow up text on the last thing you both talked about.
Since the last thing I talked about with this person was ideas for a second date, I framed my text around that. so I said:
“Hey, I wanted to see if that beach date offer thing was still on because I was looking forward to it”
Literally personalize the message and make it your own.
Do not start off any text message with: “WHY HAVENT YOU TALKED TO ME IN x AMOUNT OF DAYS!!!” because that turns people off. Be kind and considerate of why because maybe the answer may surprise you.
Also, for the love of all that is good and holy in this world, don’t be petty. Don’t be all ” oh you found someone else already?”, because that exchange does not yield the results you want.
The whole idea in reaching out is to look for understanding. When you are trying to understand something, like really try, you naturally let go of any and all judgments and you listen. Don’t listen to respond, but listen to understand.
If you still end up confused or left with questions unanswered even after following up, then there’s always option number 2!
So you had a good run with this person. That’s okay. There are plenty fish in the sea. If the date went well and you did everything right, but still get ghosted, don’t sweat it.
You did all you could to make sure that you were staying true to yourself and that is all anyone asks for.
If they didn’t like anything you did or said, don’t lose sleep over it and definitely don’t spend another minute thinking about it.
Understand that while it is shitty, no one is obligated to return your texts and if you’re an optimist, like me, the connection with that person wasn’t meant for you and the universe is doing you a favor by making way for a better person to come along.
So redirect your energies elsewhere and focus on what’s going for you right now, such as school, work and other important milestones! Your time will come 🙂 .
Sending a ton of love and light your way,
P.S: To catch up on all of my adventures, follow me on Instagram!