Hi friends! It’s been a while since I’ve been on here, so I just want to say happy October to all of you! Thanks for stopping by. I’ve been so busy with schoolwork and actual work, but I think I’ve found my happy medium, more or less, which is good!
If you aren’t following me on Instagram (which you should, because I post when my blogs are going to be, adventures and just ramblings of life), then I’d like to announce to all of you that, I recently started up at a new job–an internship at a really good company! This job is really right up my ally, in terms of my major and everything, so I feel very blessed for this opportunity to get my foot in the door.
So today’s post is going to be about, well, knowing your worth.
I’ve spent a huge chunk of my life struggling with my self-esteem, confidence and worth. Because of this, I’ve been in and out of therapy and have been on medication for depression. Not that it’s a bad thing, but I’m just highlighting a fact.
The thing was, I realized later on that I was placing my worth on things that weren’t at all good for me and those things were people, social media, and material things. So I’m going to go over these 3 things and later talk about why it’s super beneficial for you to know your own worth.
When you place your self-worth on people, in hopes that they’ll see something in you, it doesn’t work out because you can’t make people see what you don’t see in yourself. In other words, for someone to see your worth, you have to find what it is that makes you stand out and act accordingly.
The consequences of placing your worth on other people are that you are in this constant cycle or battle of literally trying to make them see how good of a person you are. Even going so far as to go the distance for someone who doesn’t even care.
I was that kid. I was that kid who placed their self worth on other people and going out of my way, not because I wanted to, but because I felt like I had to, in order to look like this awesome person in their eyes.
It also goes hand in hand with making bad decisions, too. See when you don’t know your worth, you’re set in trying to find it, obtain it in whatever way possible. You try to find it in people who don’t care about you or about anything at all and then those people then lead you down a path of bad decisions.
Because when you place your self-worth on people you claim are your friends, you’re willing to do anything that’ll make them think twice about you. You’re more compliant to groupthink, which is a theory that posits that when you’re in a group you tend to do things you never really do when you’re alone. Even if you know it’s wrong, your lack of self-worth will tell you that you need to be compliant or else you wouldn’t be considered “cool”.
Like I’ve said before, I was that kid. I believed the lies and literally went and did things, that I’m not proud of all because of the people I surrounded myself with. I placed so much emphasis on that, that I lost sight of myself and what I really wanted.
I wanted to be seen as cool, but in the end, what I realized was I wanted to be seen as cool, in my own, quirky kind of way.
I mean who hasn’t tried to place their worth on posting on social media?!
The likes, the comments, it’s all an adrenaline rush. Before Instagram and Facebook had an algorithm, I had to figure out the perfect time to post and what day. When I was like 16 and 18, I was trying to make it look so effortless. Every photo I had required a filter that made my world look like a retro and muted version of reality. It was so tiring, mentally and emotionally.
When I started seeing people start to amass like 100-200 likes I often would wonder, why? How? What was I doing different? What was something that I could do to gain that amount of love for my photos?
All of these questions took precedence over my mind, my life, more so than school and took a toll on my mental health. That was 5 years ago. Even though I’ve kind of seen how it took a toll on my life and thankfully I can say that I’ve recovered from this, it doesn’t mean that the problem isn’t still around.
In fact, this problem is still on going for people much younger than me and at rates much higher than ever. And that breaks my heart. I learned that it never mattered how many likes I got on a photo, what mattered was the amount of importance I was giving it in my life.
I also realized that having a certain amount of followers and getting likes aren’t things you can really put on a resume, so why should it matter? They’re not something that you are going to buried with when you die, so why give it your life? Why forsake your mental health? I realized that it’s better to be authentic, than to be just like everyone else.
I don’t know about any of you, but I went to a regional Catholic high school. When I say that, I mean I was surrounded by a wide range of people who came from money and big houses, to people who came from average houses down the road and were pretty well off.
It helped a lot that the school required us to wear uniforms, with the exception of some dress down days, just saying haha.
But when you’re 16 and all you see are people wearing brands (on dress down days) like UGG, Sperry, Kate Spade, what’s a kid (who has low self worth) to do, but to succumb to peer pressure?
I literally remember crying to my parents about wanting a professional camera, because I saw how other girls I went to school with, used them to create amazing photos, and I placed my worth on having the latest gadgets, so I could fit in. So that I could feel whole.
Lord knows how many times I gave my parents a run for their money…
And I’ll say it– the amount and kind of media we consume on a daily basis influences what we buy. So for example, If all the people I follow on Instagram are wearing a certain kind of sweater or a kind of shoes, I’m going to be more inclined to want to buy it.
At that time in my life, the media I was consuming was tumblr, Facebook, Instagram, Vine, literally any others you can think of, I was on it and I wanted a lot of things because of the amount of meaning that I placed on these things.
A kid with low self-worth is going to place his/her/their value on something that they place meaning on. So like if I saw that someone had a skirt (because uniforms), I had to have it and I’d reach out to upperclassmen to give me one of theirs, because the meaning that I placed on it was that I would appear as superior and better off socially among my peers.
It’s amazing what persuasion and marketing does to a 16 year old. Now at 22, I don’t place my worth on the kinds of clothes I wear, because now I pay for my clothes and my style has evolved to be more like me, and not like anyone else.
Benefits of Knowing Your Self-Worth
Your view of the world literally changes the moment you realize your self-worth. When you realize that your self-worth doesn’t stem from the worldly possessions you own, your social media presence, or from a person, your mind is clearer.
I can’t begin to explain how I’ve had to unpack all of that. Like when I realized that my mental health was deteriorating because of these three things, I found that I shouldn’t be getting into the same cycle of heartbreak.
When you know who you are and what you value, you are able to distinguish between things that are worth your time and things that aren’t. I’ve found that I start looking at things a little more future based, meaning that I ask myself if whatever I’m worrying about will matter a year from now… The answer is always no.
Another thing that I’ve noticed is I’m also more aware of the people and things that don’t bring me happiness. I learned that if someone or something tries to take a hold of my mental health, then I’m more inclined to walk away without a question.
When you find your worth, it can literally feel like a weight’s been lifted off of your shoulders, you know what you bring to the table and you aren’t afraid to sit alone. You save yourself from the mental hardship of proving who you are to people and just being the best you, you believe yourself to be.
People literally love to be around someone who knows exactly who they are. There’s nothing more beautiful than someone who is at peace with themselves and can add to the conversation.
Another thing is you literally focus your energies on the things that matter the most to you and your life (like some of the stuff that I’ve mentioned in my previous blog post here!)
There are so many more benefits once you set your eyes on your self-worth.
You just gotta find it in you.
Sending you all the love and light your way,
To catch up on all of my adventures and to see when I’m posting next, follow me on instagram: @ADynamicMentality!
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