Relationships are pretty special, ya know? Building something special with someone is amazing and even more so if the relationship grows into something more.
Which often leads me to asking… What makes a good relationship? And how would I know I’m in a good one?
Well for starters, a good relationship isn’t always the kind that you see publicized on social media. Sure that couple you follow may be #RelationshipGoals online, but are they in real life?
Look, the truth is… Some of us don’t really know what makes a good relationship or how a relationship goes.
There are lots of things that make a relationship work. I used to think that relationships followed one simple formula and if you had all the components and the other had their components, it could work and based on that formula, a relationship would work forever and ever and ever.
I learned that it’s more than just love that we’re after. It’s the understanding, the tenderness, the intimacy and the beauty of it. And that each takes on many forms in a person and there’s ultimately no wrong way to go about each of these things, they just manifest in the relationship…whenever it just feels right.
The fact of the matter is relationships are complex because it isn’t based on a made-up formula. It’s based on these things: people are complex, life can sometimes suck, and we are all just looking for someone (anyone really) who will stick around and stay through all of that.
So let’s dive into the complex world of relationships.
People are complex
We live in a world that is filtered, censored and not always 100% the truth. Geez, when I put it like that, I sound like a cynic.
But I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t true. We like to think that we are our most authentic selves when we’re around someone, but upon meeting someone for the first time, we show them what we show everyone else, very rarely do we open up about what keeps us up at night and what our dreams are upon meeting for the first time.
We’re complex beings. We each individually pick and choose which aspects of ourselves we want others to see.
We don’t want to risk scaring anyone away, at least not this early on.
We’re flawed beings. We have layers upon layers of ourselves.
Quite frankly, it takes a special person to see beyond that and still fall in love with that.
Even then, getting to know someone takes time. Not everyone you meet is going to open up as easily as you may think and we can’t expect them to open up on our own accord.
We each have our fair share of trauma, trust issues and scars we are still healing from.
We have to give each other the space and the understanding we need so that we can feel at ease and can ultimately get to a point where we can fully trust each other.
At the end of the day, a relationship is built on trust and if that isn’t there, then what’s the point?
People are complex, but don’t discard the fact that they not only can teach you things about themselves, but you may also come out of it coming to a deeper understanding of yourself.
Life can sometimes suck
Life, as we know it, isn’t all rainbows and butterflies. It’s loss, it’s being broke, it’s feeling like the world is coming at you, it’s stress and it’s pain.
Life is hard. Bills need to be paid. Family needs to be helped and the things we want may sometimes have to be sacrificed for things we actually need.
But life can also be beautiful. It can teach you things in the midst of the woes and it can bring you closer to someone or a group of good people.
We all yearn for someone to take life on with.
I used to think that my life would be so much better if I had someone in my life to do life with. But that’s not true and to expect something like that would be like asking santa for a time machine lol.
Your life will not stop sucking if you have someone in your life.
In fact, life keeps moving with or without a person by your side. Despite all of this, I encourage you give yourself time, in between, to stop, reflect on the situation and find the joy in it.
Make the most out of this life. Live, laugh, and love as hard as you can because life is meant to be lived on your own terms. Build up that relationship with yourself and find love within yourself. Fill your life up with memories and don’t let anyone make you feel bad.
That way, when someone comes around, you’re more critical about what the kind of people you let into your life.
Find the joy in these situations and keep an open mind, with your expectations and with the people you meet.
We’re all just looking for someone who will stick around
That’s what it really boils down to, right? That we’re all just looking for someone who’s willing to stick with us on this crazy adventure called life.
At the end of the day, there is no right or wrong way of getting into a relationship. Sometimes things happen when we least expect them and they may just happen in the best way possible.
I hate to break it to you here, but there is no formula or little secrets that will get you there.
Like I said before, people are complex and life can put us in different seasons. However, if you find yourself getting into a relationship with someone and things feel right, then go with it.
Take it day by day or take it as each adventure that comes your way.
The choice is ultimately yours.
But just know that every relationship is going to be different. There are certain things that’ll work, but there are others that won’t. Just because it’s different, it doesn’t mean that it won’t be a good relationship, it just means that it’s new and it’s something worth exploring.
I’m not saying that once you find someone perfect for you, that your relationship’s going to be easy, I’m just saying that it’s gonna take a lot on your part and a lot on their part to make the relationship work. Whatever those things are, are totally up to you .
Just do whatever feels right and enjoy the process.
Sending a ton of love and light your way,