Losing You to Love Me

Hi all! It’s been a while since I’ve not only blogged, but done a post where I talk about a song that I listened to. I mean the title pretty much says the song that I’ll be talking about.

This song has been floating around Instagram and other social media sites and I finally listened to it last night.

For those of you who aren’t aware, I’m going to be talking about the newest song by Selena Gomez called “Lose You to Love Me”.

I love this song so much, that I played it back 5 times! The music video is beautiful, yet sophisticated. I’ll link the video at the end of the post so that you can check it out!

Now just so that you know the direction I’m going to take with this post is that this is going to be a song analysis and I want to touch up on some of the underlying themes, as I see them, along with some notable lyrics that made me feel all kinds of things.

Essentially, these are my thoughts and feelings upon hearing the song. So let’s get started.


Letting go and Transition

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Upon hearing this song the first time, I got a sense of it being about a season of transitioning. More specifically, about letting go.

It could be letting go of a time your life…

Letting go of who you were before, even if it means letting some people go…

The song is also about processing and letting yourself feel all the hurt and angry feelings of that time in your life. This song is the kind that makes you want to cry, eat Ben and Jerry’s and then dust yourself off.

It’s a song that is representative of those transitioning feelings we feel, but can’t really put into words, because we don’t have the words yet to describe how we feel.

As you’ll see in the lyrics to come, you’ll see that Selena puts into words what it literally feels like to have things not work out the way we thought they would.

With that being said, I want to dive into the lyrics that really hit home with me.

I saw the signs & I ignored it. Rose Colored glasses all distorted…

When I listen to that lyric, I think of my last relationship and how there were so many red flags, but yet, I chose not to see them until later when the relationship itself was falling apart. In addition to that, I think about the friendships that didn’t work out either.

Which brings me to this question:

How many times have we seen the red flags in a relationship and refuse to acknowledge them?

I know I have, countless times… And the thing is, when you’re in love with someone, you bypass all of those red flags because, like me, you want to see what kind of person they really are. You also want to show that you’re not the kind of person who’ll give up the moment potential bae isn’t “perfect”.

And as much as we want to do that, it’s also important to realize that it forms an unrealistic view that we hold of the person. Which isn’t good, because from there we then form this fantasy chain where we believe this person is going to behave a certain way, based on only a handful of interactions you’ve had of the person, which then leads to setting unrealistic expectations of said person.

I remember that after briefly having an interaction with this really attractive person, I started to form this unrealistic view of the person. I literally thought they shit rainbows and butterflies for the past 2 weeks, before realizing they were a jerk.

But as they say, you live and you learn, right?

We’d always go into it blindly, I needed to lose you to love me

When we start something, especially a relationship, a new experience, it’s no doubt that you go into it blindly. You may have certain expectations going into the experience as a whole, but at the end of the day, it’s something new.

When we’re just starting out in a relationship, we neglect all the bad because if we want to experience something, we don’t want to give it a second thought. We’d rather go into it, fearlessly, without looking back.

I’m one of those people who forms either unrealistic or unnecessarily high expectations before going into something new and exciting. However, I wasn’t always like this. With every situation I’d gotten myself into, I went into it, without thinking about what would happen down the road.

Now, I hate going into experiences without thinking about what I could expect or what I hope to get out of it. My thing is, if I’m going to go through with something, I’d want it to benefit me in some way, shape, or form.

What Selena is singing about here is about how in her relationship, they’d go into experiences, not knowing the outcome. They were unaware of what was going to happen.

Like most of us, Selena is singing about something significant that we can all relate to. This is a part that also describes growth. It describes resilience and a new perspective.

That last part that she sings is something so sophisticated, yet it’s something that we can all resonate with.

Sometimes in our lives, we have either toxic people, relationships or experiences, (or all 3!) that we need to cut out of our lives, so that we can essentially live. So that we can live our lives the way it was meant to be lived, without the looming presence of someone in our business or someone constantly putting us down.

When they talk about cutting off the dead ends, they’re not just talking about hair.

This dancing was killing me softly, I needed to hate you to love me

This. Now this, was something that hit me. When Selena sings this, I feel it because quite frankly, this is my default setting.

When Selena sings this, she’s saying that she needed to acknowledge the fact that she hated the person, as a way to recover from it.

Whenever I’m mad or angry about an awful situation with someone, my first instinct is to hate them. Why? Because I’m angry, I’m hurt, I’m done. The way I see it is, this song lyric talks more about pain that demands to be felt, but it’s also reclaiming that pain and giving it a name.

I’ve been in countless toxic situations and the thing I’ve noticed is that, as much as I wanted to back out of them as smoothly as possible, I’ve found it to be hard.

I found it hard because there was a pattern in place where it would go from ‘okay lets work this out’ to ‘fuck this, fuck you, I’m done,’ and so on. When there’s a pattern in place where it’s easier to fall into, it becomes that much harder to get out because each time, you think it’s going to be different.

Each time I tried to leave, my thing was I didn’t want to get hurt or hurt the other person, but it was something that proved to be inevitable because both of us cared. There was no easy way of doing it. So in this sense, I feel those lyrics.


As I’ve said before, she accurately puts words to how we feel and expresses that it is rough. I really like how she allowed herself to be so open with us in how she feels and I’ve noticed a lot more people have been following suit on this.

Being bold and vulnerable at the same time is something that we need in this world. I definitely think that if more people are vocal about their pain and reclaiming that pain, like our girl Selena, then understanding each other (and ourselves) becomes that much easier and we can begin to heal together.

What I also really like about this song is that it is a journey of loss, healing, setbacks and acceptance of all of that. It’s acknowledging that pain and realizing that something better is on the other side, if we choose to see it.

The song itself is so raw and honest, yet it’s something that isn’t talked about very often. “Lose you to love me” could very well be the self-love anthem of our time. The song is about acknowledging that pain and ultimately, letting that shit go, because it no longer benefits us.

Sending a ton of love and light your way,

To catch up with me on all my adventures, follow me on Instagram (@adynamicmentality)!

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