People can’t stand someone who is needy. I can’t stand a needy person. Being needed every once in a while is nice, but being needed all the time feels almost too draining. It is suffocating.
When I asked for a guy’s perspective on the matter, they said that being needy is flat out unattractive.
So here’s a scenario: say you like someone and you’re talking about them to all your friends, but you have no idea if this kid likes you or not. You’re constantly giving them attention, without having any reinforcements showing you that this person really shares your feelings.
You are so dependent on them that you don’t realize how much you are actually hurting yourself. In short, being needy is not a good thing.
When you’re in a relationship, being too needy can lead to only one thing: the break-up.
Now this post aims to help you or someone you know, how to not be needy, what you can do instead, and how to be conscious of it in a relationship.
I’m not saying you should be so independent that you must show to everyone how un-needy you are, because where are people needed if you claim this? But what I’m saying is you have to be able to find a happy medium that isn’t too stand-off-ish or too needy, and that can be hard. So that’s where I come in.
You are dependent on a person, instead of on yourself
Being needy shows a lack of self worth. It shows that you depend on someone for your own happiness or sense of security. I have gotten so tired of hearing needy people say things like “My heart is aching for someone to love me” , “he is my world” or my favorite, “Woe is me, I am so tired of being left out in the cold with my heart broken”
Wake. The. F%^&. Up
You are a strong, man or woman. You are capable of having your own happiness, and having that same happiness stem from within yourself. You do not need to rely on someone who can “light up your world like nobody else”, light up your own world. You are in control of your own happiness.
Do you need someone to keep you warm at night? Not necessarily. Learn how to do that on your own. Learn to be alone and content with yourself. Sometimes, it is okay to focus on yourself, focus on what you need and how you can supply some of these things that you look for in a person (i.e warmth, love, cuddles, etc). Again, I am not saying that you have to be a lone wolf, but what I am saying is that you should learn to treat yourself with the same love and warmth as one would in a relationship, for the time being, until you find the right person.
Now, I’m gonna tell you a little story. As crazy as it sounds, I used to be needy.
Yes. you read correctly. I remember one time my freshman year in college, I sparked up a conversation with this kid and next thing I know, I’m texting him non-stop, feeling sorry for myself every time he didn’t answer me back, the whole enchilada.
But it turned out that I just liked the idea of him. I didn’t take into account the subtle social cues he was using to let me down easy. I didn’t see or take into account how he made me feel, but instead fixated on how I was making him feel. So when I “fell for him”, I was surprised and crushed at the fact that he did not feel the same way.
Through many lessons I learned in my first year of college, I learned a lot about myself and how to be conscious of the neediness I had expressed. I am not a perfect person. I am still working on this and it has been so invigorating being able to see my worth in myself rather than on another person. Finding your worth is also a work in progress and something one should always strive for everyday.
Finding a happy medium between independent and needy
Being independent is one extreme, but being needy is another extreme.
So here is a pro and cons list of independent and needy
- Pro of being independent: You rely on yourself and not on others to achieve your goals.
- Pro of being needy: none
- con of being independent: If you’re too independent and insist that you don’t need help at all in accomplishing your goals, it makes you look bad. It makes you sound like you are so much better off without them. While it may not be what you say, it could be something that you do very often and vice versa.
- con of being needy: what was just outlined before. If you rely on someone for your overall happiness, where does that leave you? You end up looking like an overly- obsessed girlfriend or boyfriend.
So please learn to be conscious of when you are needy with such actions as:
- Texting/Calling bae or someone you’re ‘talking’ to more than three times a day.
- Talking about the person you’re talking to when the other party hasn’t even asked about how your relationship is progressing.
- Relying on them as your only source of happiness
- Being a little impatient or jealous when you see a photo with another girl or guy who just is their friend.
Finding a happy medium in all of this could be as simple as not doing any of the behaviors I just listed.
This list could go on, but if you have anything to add on the matter, don’t hesitate to share your thoughts in the comments below!
Thanks for stopping by!