Hey guys! I’ve been so busy getting all my assignments in for midterms (only to find out that most my classes have been cancelled as a result of this snowstorm). Before I begin, I’d like to wish a Happy Belated International Women’s Day, to women of the world. May we love them, respect them, and learn from them!
One day, I was driving home from school and was listening to the radio. I don’t know about you, but I LOVE to turn up the volume on a good song!
Has anyone heard of Fifth Harmony’s song “Worth It”?
I freaking love listening to this song and even though it has been played more than a million times on the radio, I still jam out whenever it comes on. On the day that I was driving back, however, I paid attention to the lyrics more than ever.
Give it to me, I’m worth it
Baby I’m worth it
Uh huh I’m worth it
Gimme gimme I’m worth it
These opening lines are so empowering. I know that this is in reference to a girl telling her man that she wants a specific thing, but to me, it means so much more. This sassy vocal in this doesn’t play around or beat around the bush. The singer knows what she wants and isn’t going to question it. I feel like that is what we all aspire to be.
How many times do we say “I’m going to be more true to myself” or “I’m tired of being afraid of who I am”? I mean, we are entitled to what we want and it’s up to us to articulate that. We DESERVE that, because baby, we’re worth it.
I’ve spent most of my life being afraid of who I am and who I wanted to be. It took me awhile to find my worth and that’s something I want to share. From a pretty young age, I remember feeling pretty shitty about myself. Then again, it wasn’t just me who felt this way towards me.
I often gravitated to the people who were “popular” or people who never really shared similar beliefs in terms of academics and success.
enter 13-year-old me.
I surrounded myself around people who never even bothered to see my worth. What’s even crazier, is I thought that they would, only because I didn’t see worth within myself.
It took me a long time to get to where I am today. I’ve been dying to write about something like this but have not yet had the right words to describe my experience- or battle, if you will- with this, until now.
Looking back, I’ve always been outgoing, sassy and sarcastic, but only with the people I considered my friends and close family members.
out with my cousins
It wasn’t until I got to college that all of that changed. One of the main things that I wanted to do was step out of my comfort zone. After all, I noticed a significant change in my mood, thanks to the anti-depressants I was on. While I was at college, I made a ton of new friends and I felt a sense of ease because I realized that I could be me. I could be me and see the load of worth I found in myself throughout my recovery.
The moment that you find your worth, is the moment that things start to come together. For example, when I set out to find a group of friends who shared similar beliefs and were people I could have fun with, life gravitated me to that.
I became this very outgoing sassy person and I loved it! I’m still this way today, but now I let it radiate through to everyone I meet, which is an amazing feeling.
Cindy and I!
A squad that studies together, succeeds together! Spring 2016
Lately, I’ve been thinking about the past and how it has lead me to now. There have been certain things that have definitely set me back, but now I’m getting into the mindful habit of not letting myself be stuck in the past. Instead of being stuck, I’m learning from the past because it serves as a big lesson in life.
However, I get that it’s so much better to ditch the past because who cares, right? The thing is though, sometimes the past serves as a lesson. When you notice something, like a pattern or even a habit you get into, from time to time, you become more aware of your own short comings.
For example, I had this unbearable habit of talking smack about my friends behind their backs to people they were close to. Time and time again proved that I cannot always trust people who are close to these so-called friends of mine.
But when life throws us a lesson, do we make the effort to listen to it and learn from it?
More than half the time, we don’t. Before we know it, we’ve fallen victim to the same thing.
Or like whenever I would engage in self-depreciating behavior, I remember holding myself up to a standard and putting all this pressure on myself to be the best. I thought that if I fell below that, it meant that I wasn’t deserving of all the good things in life.
It took me a long time to realize that I can never be perfect. The only one who is, is the big man upstairs.
Now, I am more conscious of being mindful whenever I make a mistake. In fact, I’ll do one of two things: laugh it off or just say – to myself – any of these phrases, “the more I know”, “good to know”, “well, you didn’t know, but you know now for the future”, etc etc. Even if I feel myself come to have self-deprecating thoughts, I stop it by saying “okay, so lets not get self deprecating up in here, let’s look for a solution to my problem, instead.”
It also boils down to whoyou surround yourself with and what you surround yourself with to feel worthy. Make sure that both your who and your what are positive things, because if you think about it, these two things are interdependent of each other.
If your who involves people who are toxic and feed off of your energy, then most likely your ‘what’ is going to involve some self-deprecating behaviors.
not at all saying that drinking is bad, but if you’re doing it to fill a void of worthlessness then check out my post on voids
The same thing goes with good things too. If your ‘who’ are people who motivate you, make you feel at ease, then your ‘what’ is going to be some mindful behaviors that are productive and help you work towards your goals.
Bottom line: Find your worth and see where it leads you. Engage in behaviors that promote mindfulness and allow you to grow. Look to the past and learn from it.
“Now these things happened as examples for us, so that we would not crave evil things as they also craved.”- 1 Corinthians 10:6-11
Sending love and light your way!
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