The Summer I Grew Up

It’s crazy to think that I’m not the same person I started the summer with. In a span of 3 months, I’ve grown into someone I’ve longed to be. Frankly, that involved a series of situations that made me think about who I want to be, what my goals are for the future. Through it all, I’m amazed at how far I’ve come.

I’m not the same person I was, as when the summer began. I’m a different person because of the experiences I went through. The thing about good experiences and bad experiences, is that both of these serve as a purpose to learn and to grow.

With summer 2018 wrapping up, I’ve been reflecting on how this summer was so profound.

To start it all off, I graduated from Community College with good grades and amazing friends right by my side.

I then traveled to Australia for an amazing 8 days as part of a Business and Entrepreneurship program. I met so many people who came from different walks of life, but were all in the same boat as me: studying at an accredited community college or transferring,  and absolutely killing it in their studies. I didn’t just meet people from across the country, but from different countries around the world. It was a very humbling experience. The opportunity opened up so many doors for me. It pushed me in the direction of my dreams and what I’m really meant to do.

When I got back, jetlagged, on Sunday May 27th, I started my internship the same week. My internship was at a local radio station that housed both AM and FM stations, which was pretty cool! Prior to starting, I had already been a week late to starting my internship. Starting out, I thought I was going to be working every day and start accumulating hours… BOY, WAS I WRONG.

I was given an office day, Wednesday, specifically, where I would have a regular 10-5 day. In that time, I would work on some projects that really got the creative wheels turning in my head.

What followed were events, so because I worked in the Promotions and Marketing department, we had events in the surrounding areas, which were a variety of  festivals, free movie nights, concerts, fundraisers and more! Most of the events we did involved us settting up tables, our portable sound system, prizes, tent, a game etc. And I’d get hours for these events! (by hours I mean like hours that go towards my internship program, I had to have about 180 hours).

Somewhere along the way, in the midst of working and living my best life, I came out of a relationship (which some of you have seen and read about here). A really bad situation arose and in a span of three days, I realized that I needed to do what was best for me. That involved making a decision that wasn’t easy, which was to end my relationship with the person.

Truthfully, I didn’t think I’d be that motivated to do it. I lived in denial about my relationship, I believed that everything was going well, but after those three days, I realized that the relationship was, in essence, crumbling. Things started standing out in my mind, like red flags and it reinforced the need to get out of the relationship once and for all.

Through this experience, I didn’t just see the true colors of this person, but I began to see the true colors of those around me. I’ve had to cut some ties, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.

So from then on, it was workworkworkwork.

Work was fun! There was never once a dull moment in the office or at events and I’ll miss the people I’ve worked with this summer.

Now, I’ve recently purchased my textbooks for the upcoming semester. I am beyond ready and excited to see what the future holds for me at this 4-year university, come September.

But the bottom line is:

I’ve had a great summer, I had the amazing opportunity go to Australia and to work at a local radio station, where I was able to form connections in my professional field. I realized that I had problems in my relationship and I ended up breaking that off, because let’s face it: I deserve better. I had a shitty situation that lead me to breaking up with the person, through said situation, I was able to see how much my support system came together and helped me through every step of the way.

I am beyond thankful for the amazing people who stayed by my side and were more than willing to listen and give me honest advice. In the moments where I was falling apart, these people have lifted me up, given me the strength and the wisdom to keep moving forward.  I have grown thankful for every day that I have these people in my life, who push me to become a better me.

IMG_8424

I’m proud of who I’m becoming!

Sending a ton of love and light your way,

cropped-img_2835-1.jpg

Advertisements

Accepting Criticism

Hey guys! I know it’s been a while, buuuut… I recently traveled to Australia!!! I did a week-long program that united other scholars from different countries with a common interest in business and entrepreneurship! It was an amazing experience and I hope that in the coming posts I can share with you some very important things that I have learned from this whole excursion.

australia traveling travelling travel

Photo by Catarina Sousa on Pexels.com

The week consisted of waking up early, getting on the bus on time, taking notes from various speakers, seeing new things and meeting new people, as well as learning from these people.

The one thing that I gained from this program has got to be the willingness to accept criticism. Not destructive, but constructive criticism. One day, we were in Melbourne at RMIT (Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology) and we were doing an exercise– as directed by a professor of that University– that was called an “elevator pitch”. For those wondering what an elevator pitch is, it’s basically a hypothetical (but possible) situation where you try to get a potential employer of a company that you have a strong desire to work for them, to look your way and consider you as a candidate for a job at their company. All while you’re in the elevator with them. It’s really fascinating! Here’s the prompt:

the challenge was: we had to keep this short, sweet and to the point. All under 2 minutes. Starting off, I did something simple.. which was follow the exact skeleton of this flow chart:

The Professor then asked for 3 people to come on up to the front of the room. I raised my hand because, well, why the fuck not? I wanted to learn how to craft a good pitch that didn’t sound too wordy.

So I go first, but before I started, the professor asks me what job am I going for and what type of company: both of which were already answered on this little piece of paper I had. I basically read off of my constructed flow chart and I trip up a bit, and as a result, I ran out of time.

It was time for people to critique me and give me their honest opinion of my elevator pitch. I’m not going to lie to you, but I felt like I was being attacked. People left and right were critiquing me really hard and I really was resisting the urge to talk back to them. But then in that same moment, I realized that I was taking it way too personal. I chose to do this because I wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone.

So I listened intently to the people who were giving me feedback, I let them ‘roast’ me. Because I’m always looking to grow as a person. Further, I noticed that we, as humans, are so quick to judge/critique someone else, yet fail to look at ourselves and see where we fall short. We neglect to see it in ourselves, but choose to see it in other people.

Accepting criticism has been one of my toughest feats. I get it on a daily basis from some friends and a good bit of my family. I’ve never been good at accepting it, because well, I thought that if its something that I’m doing wrong, I should be able to learn it by myself.  My thought process was, No one really likes being told what to do. Anytime someone critiqued me, I would get on the defensive with a lame excuse. But thankfully, all those excuses ended the day I decided to accept criticism.

I decided that in order to grow, to learn, I had to learn how to accept criticism of others who may have more experience than me. What if I land a job that requires me to learn new things and to accept constructive criticism on the daily? How is getting mad at each critique going to help me out in the long run? It won’t.

Getting mad at critiques from people who expect better, isn’t a reflection on the person giving them, it’s a reflection of the person who takes it. I mean, picture this, you’re doing your work (whether it be in college, at an internship, etc) and your superior comes up to you to give you feedback on some work. If you get angry and storm off, then it just shows that you can’t accept criticism. What person is going to hire someone who cannot take open and honest feedback?

So Back to the story… with all the constructive criticism that I received from the audience, I was then able to re position my stance a bit:

And I made it with enough time to spare! What followed after I gave this pitch another try, were less critiques. A lot of people clapped for me, while others still critiqued by saying that I sounded ‘too desperate’. Nevertheless, I learned something new that day and it gave me more of a motivation to grow and to get out of my comfort zone.

The Mother-Daughter Relationship

Hello my lovely readers! It’s been quite a while since I blogged on here. I had finals left and right and I graduated yesterday, which is just too surreal.

Today’s blogpost is dedicated to all the mothers on this beautiful day. You are loved and you are amazing. You are our first cheerleader and our number one counselor.

But more specifically, this post is going to be about my mom and the many ways in which she is awesome.

My mom is my best friend. She is the most kind and loving mother. Shes been there for everything: my first days at school, boy problems, sticky situations, my teenage years as a whole, move in day, etc. My mom is my rock, she is the one person I can turn to in a time of need.

But it wasn’t always like this (for the most part it has, but let me explain). I remember being in my teenage years and thinking, “what does she know, She’s a MOM.”and every time I thought that, I was always proven wrong. My mom is the wisest person I know. She’s actually been the inspiration for some of my posts (like here and here).

From learning how to cook and learning how to navigate situations, my mom is #1 when it comes to teaching and listening. I can never push anything past her. Seriously. Anytime I feel down, she always asks me “what’s up?” and I go, “nah I’m fine” and she’ll say something like “no seriously what’s up” and it’s like she has a 6th sense, so I eventually tell her what’s up and she’ll tell me, truthfully, if I’m overreacting or if I have a valid reason to feel a certain way, she’ll sit with me and give me advice regardless.IMG_8421

She is literally nominated as the “cool aunt” by my cousins. At first, I never really saw it, because, well I was on the outs with my mom, but I see it now. She reminds me everyday (in some way, shape or form) that a day without laughter is a day wasted.

Even though I get my looks from my dad, I get my creative mindset from her. Shes always pushing me to be a better person and I cannot thank her enough for her constant guidance and lessons. She is my favorite person.

She’s one of those people who sees the good in every person, she saw potential in me, even when I was depressed. She gave me confidence and has impressed on me the importance of things (good and bad) happening for a reason.

For that, she’s my superhero.

Happy Mother’s Day, ma! And to all the amazing women who are doing everything for their children!

As they said at my graduation yesterday, “It is never too late to be a better daughter, a better mother to your children, a better son, a better person”

sending love and light your way,

Reflections On My College Journey

Hey y’all! Welcome back to ADM, I’m really glad I’ve finally gotten some time to sit down and just free flow with you guys. So quick question! Does anyone have those days where it starts off shitty, but then becomes a great day? For me, this past week has been like this. It’s been crazy, busy and all around draining. Today was one of those days where it started out pretty bad, but ended up getting better, despite my being tired haha.

The reason why I ask this question is because I think that this idea can relate to just about anything in life. I mean think about it, we are constantly thinking about what the future holds, but yet we are so fearful to know what lies ahead.

I know that for me, that has been what my life has been like since my depression hit. So, a little storytime!

When I was in my second semester of my senior year-right around this time, actually- I was stressin’ out, hard. I wanted to finish out strong, get straight A’s and enjoy all the end of the year senior festivities.

But I couldn’t.

I had spiraled down a path of negative thinking, stress, and anxiety.  What was the matter with me? I knew exactly where I was going to college in the fall, I secured a roommate for my first year at college, I already knew who I was going to prom with, what my dress would look like, like all of these things I had some sort of knowledge about… But there came a point where I didn’t want to even think about all of that. I wanted to curl up in a ball and just sleep. I became very withdrawn from everyone and thought that I could handle my depression on my own, after all, wasn’t that part of growing up?

Sleepless nights, Little to no appetite, crippling anxiety,  I tried to keep all of it under wraps.

I got help when I needed it (i.e whenever a teacher saw me crying or stressing out over a test and then being recommended to go see the counselor in guidance).

I put on a front, that masked over the massive amounts of anxiety I was feeling, among other things.

I mean I could go on and on about my depression, but the one thing I wanted to point out was that the one thing that was scaring me was the inevitability of the future. How fear completely overshadowed any hope I had in my goals and dreams. This would soon come back to haunt me when I transferred out of this out-of-state college and into a local college: Community College.

To clarify, it wasn’t just about the future that I was afraid of… It was the whole idea behind going from one place where you know where everything is, who your friends are, etc.; to a place where you don’t know where everything is or who your friends are and having to re-learn that, was, in essence, traumatic for me.

Normally, I’m pretty easy going and I accept change as is. But as I said before, my depression changed that for me. It took me a while to be okay with not knowing what the next year would hold.

So when I got to college for the first time, I was pretty excited, I had just came back fresh on my antidepressants and a new outlook on my life. I moved in, everything was seamless, I met my roommate and my mom and I promised each other that day that neither of us would cry after moving me into campus.

I went home every other week to do some laundry and to catch up with my family. I remember having to make the hour drive back to campus on Sunday nights, to make it back in time for mass.

But somewhere along the way, I got homesick. At the time, I didn’t really like how the campus barely had anything to do on the weekends in the spring semester. It was all getting too commonplace for me.

There came a point where I had to make a decision on whether or not I wanted to continue going to school. Going to school out-of-state wasn’t something for me. Looking back on this, I realize that I wasn’t really ready to live on my own. I didn’t know what it was like to work a job, to get a set schedule in place, etc.

I mean, I basically didn’t know any valuable life skills needed to flourish at a school out-of-state. And I found this out the hard way.

My dad had brought up the idea of me going to the local community college and said that I would work AND go to school at the same time. This was something that I never had to worry about because my family impressed upon me the value of an education, “school comes first,” they would say. I was looking forward to starting work that summer in 2016. On top of that, I took 2 summer courses at the college just to get a fresh start: history of photography and an online math course called number systems.

When my history of photography course started, I remember aiming for a high grade in the course. As the summer semester went on, I became more interested in my studies and realized that I didn’t want to work at my part-time job forever. It wasn’t until a relative told me that, “when you work a job, you start to see the value of an education,” and that rang true for me.

The week before fall semester started up, I quit my job. The schedule wasn’t what I requested and I was just disillusioned with the place as a whole. But luckily this meant that I could focus more on my studies and achieve my academic goals here at the college.

There came a point where I got depressed… again. I tried to avoid it, but it came back. I was getting flustered because everything that I was seeing in my reality was completely distorted. The sleepless nights started up, the skipping meals, the stress. My family helped me get back on the horse, so to speak, and got me to naturally let go of my depression. I went to the gym, scheduled, made to-do lists, went to the library, I did basically anything and everything that could take my mind off my anxious mind.

17861591_10208761794231307_8897390843575922773_n

I ended up passing the semester with 2 b’s and an A. Because of my hard work, I was able to get inducted into the honor society for business and related majors, which was an amazing first step in my success. I went on to get dean’s list the following semester and recently got inducted into a prestigious honor society for 2 year colleges, which was a goal of mine to finally accomplish.

I’ve made a ton of new friends and lost some along the way. But the important thing was: I now had opportunities. I had the opportunity to immerse myself in college life, to enjoy my life, WHEREVER I AM. That’s what life is about anyway, right? To do things that make you happy and give you a sense of what you are capable of.

I found myself, at community college. I was able to take a breath of fresh air and get to know people from ALL walks of life. I was able to understand where each person was coming from and in the process, I learned a lot about myself. I gained this sense of confidence that just came as I was seeing what I was capable of and how I can use my gifts, as a writer, communicator, to push me further in my academic and professional life.

So remember that question I asked before? Have you ever had one of those days that start off shitty and get better as the day goes on?

Well, going back to that question: In life, we often have shitty starts. Shitty starts in our careers, shitty starts in our goals, etc. But we have to make the decision to continue, because it does get better. I had an unfortunate situation in the beginning when I started my college journey, but did I give up? I wanted to, but I didn’t. I didn’t give up when the going got tough, I stuck to my guns and did what I could to succeed. It wasn’t easy, but it was well worth it.

We aren’t perfect beings.

We need to be okay with taking a hit in life and making something good come out of it.

I honestly give so much gratitude to the people in my life who saw me, for me, even in times when I didn’t see that in myself.My family has been amazing and super supportive in my life, especially during these past couple of years.  It’s been the friends and even mentors that I’ve gained at Community College that gave me that motivation to aim higher in my life.

With only a couple of weeks until I graduate from college with my associates, I’m so thankful for the experiences and opportunities that have been given to me at this school. I’m ready.

Sending love and light your way,

If you guys would love to know when I post my blogs, follow my blogstagram!

It is OKAY to Fail

Aye y’all!  Wow. I can’t believe we’re in our last week of March! Where has the time gone?! Like I could’ve sworn I wasn’t going to get out from this winter tundra my area has been having. Happy Easter to all my friends who are celebrating!

So Today’s blog post is dedicated to all my perfectionists.

Haha, anytime I think of the word ‘perfectionist’, I think about Monica Geller from Friends. She always has to win, always has to have the house (or apartment, if you will) clean, but basically she’s what I like to call a perfectionist. If you watch the show, you know what I mean!

But all joking aside, perfectionism comes from the stem of “(This/I’m) is not good enough.”, “This needs to look good”, “I have to look (good/thin)”, etc etc.

Personally, I know that I can get into this train of thought where I just want everything to pan-out exactly the way that I’ve planned it. Sometimes, however, life doesn’t always go the way we want it to go, and that’s completely OKAY. You have to get to a point where you can plan for all these things in your life, but in the end, you have to realize that life just, kinda happens and that’s out of your control.

Perfectionism comes from the same stem of control. We want to be able to control the things that happen to us. We want to be in control of how we want something to fit or something that deep down, we cannot change.

In fact, depression happens when there’s something in either our past or future that is out of our hands and we try to control it.

Anxiety happens when you expose yourself to stressful situations (like starting at a new school, meeting new people, etc). It’s not really a choice you have. Anxiety just kind of happens naturally. As things get harder or more advanced, it’s expected that you get with the ebb and flow of things. It’s hard, but not impossible to overcome.

Granted, there are some people who don’t have this problem or people who work on their anxiety and frustrations so that it doesn’t interfere with their productivity at work.

All I’m saying is, it is okay to fail.

When we fail, we learn from those mistakes. In fact, I’ve learned so much from making mistakes in my life and they have lead me to the conscious person I am today. I can’t change the past, but I can change my attitude to a more positive one and look at “mistakes” as works in progress.

I remember back when I was in high school, (damn, I feel old) I was in color guard for the marching band…

IMG_3077

Senior year. Fellow band kid at your service lol. (Fall 2014)

I had these instructors, who were some pretty great people and whenever we would work on a part of the show that needed some cleaning up, they would impress upon us to Make Different Mistakes”. It means exactly what it says. Make a different mistake so that you can continue to work towards being a better performer or a better person. The idea is that once you make a mistake, you learn from it, you grow and move on. However, if you make the same mistake on different occasions, then what does that say about you? Said mistake becomes a choice that you make.

There are people in this world who have a tough time discerning from their mistakes and think that what looks like the same mistake they made, is a different one on a minuscule level.

The important part is that at some point, you have to learn from those mistakes and be able to grow from them, not be mortified by them.

We aren’t perfect people, we are human. We fall, we rise and we grow. We are capable of making our own decisions.

I used to be mortified by all the mistakes I’ve made. I would look at them as a past I never, ever wanted to revisit for knowledge.

But how can we be scared of looking back on something that we ultimately wanted to do, at one point… and it came out pretty bad. There’s a lesson in every mistake.

Back when I was depressed, I struggled to come to terms with being okay with recovery. I wanted my recovery to be perfect and I wanted my depression to end by a certain date. What I have come to learn is, no one’s recovery journey is perfect. (It may take longer depending on how long you’ve dealt with an illness or if its been as a result of your upbringing and other external/internal factors.) As much as we want it to be, it’s the drive in wanting to get better that motivates us to work towards our better self.

I look back on my life now because of the sole purpose of providing you, the reader, an insight to how I dealt with a particular situation. With some of the things I look back on, I laugh. I laugh because I’m not a perfect person, I laugh because I see how far I’ve come, I laugh because I see that some of the things I thought were going to define me, ended up not doing that at all.

I’m thankful for the experiences that have lead me to today and while, I may get into my perfectionist ways, I know that I can always stay mindful of the fact that, it is okay to slip up. It is okay to fall down every once in a while, but what matters is how you get up and how you can learn from a situation.

In a perfect world, we wouldn’t know what was right from wrong. So we have to be mindful of the fact that we are human and that we need to understand that making mistakes, is a fact of life.

so go out and make all the mistakes!!!!

Find gifts for everyone on Amazon!

Vibe a Little

Learn to Live

UptightPrettyGirl

Lifestyle and Fun

Alys Journals

mental health and lifestyle

UniquelyMe

Why be normal when you can be unique?

%d bloggers like this: