5 Ways Anger is Manifested

Hey guys! I’m currently on spring break, which gives me an awesome time to publish some noteworthy stuff that you can incorporate into your mindset and give you a dose of perspective on a thing called Anger!

Whether it be someone who cut you off on the road, some petty drama you got dragged into, or just relationship issues with the people in your life… Yeah, I think it’s safe to say that we’re well acquainted with our friend, Anger over here.

Sometimes being angry, isn’t the best way to live your life. Research has shown that people who engage in road rage (guilty), are more likely to have unnecessary stress in their lives.

But you already knew that, right?

Haha okay well, here are some things that I’ve noticed in the realm of anger and how people manifest anger in different ways. More specifically, it’s the 5 ways people commonly express their anger, the drawbacks and solutions of each.

Bottling it up

We all know this kind of anger. This is the kind of anger where it is just stuffed, stored, even buried deep in the ravines of the heart and mind. Bottling up your anger is not at all the most effective way to “dealing” with it. In fact, this is the most common way people try to cope with this anger. The problem is, however, this isn’t even a way to deal with whatever is bothering you at all. If you think about it, all of the anger you hold, has been stuffed into a safe that is wrapped with chains, padlocked and has a sign saying, “DO NOT OPEN”.

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This is a pretty volatile way of “expressing” anger because:

  1. It isn’t good for the person holding on to this deep-seated vendetta
  2. In any given moment, this person could explode in a fit of rage-i.e something much more destructive than anger.

Solution: Before you go off shoving things deep down, think about how valuable it would be to tackle the problem (or whatever is pissing you off) head-on. Another thing to do is you can sit down and talk over the problem with a trusted therapist, friend, or family member.

The One-Word Answer

Oof.  The ‘uh huh’, ‘cool’, ‘oh’, etc. Don’t even get me started on the one word answers. I know all about it, because this is the way I normally express my anger in a given situation. To make matters worse,  I’ll actually get to a point where I’ll wait until the other person asks me “what’s wrong?”. I learned to pick up on that habit quickly and try my hardest not to do it, because it can be a little annoying.

Imagine having a conversation with someone, either through texting or in-person. The conversation is going well, until you and the other person have a disagreement. The disagreement subsides, but you’re still mad about how after all the points that were discussed, conclude with “okay, lets just agree to disagree”. How annoying is it to have a person to just be like “okay” , “whatever”, “cool”, afterwards?

I remember back in middle school and high school, whenever we would have a confrontation through text, (which was all the time) we would say something along the lines of “k.cool.bye” and each person would tweak that phrase to their liking.

Solution: Before you begin to say your one word answer, take a step back and think about something else you could say. Instead of getting mad at what someone said or how they said it, try asking them, “what did you mean when you said (*insert what they said here*)?” By going about it this way, you’re able to articulate what someone said or did to you.

The Silent Treatment/Cold Shoulder

Oh wow. This is another common one. The silent treatment. This is a seething anger anyone and everyone can see, without you even saying anything. Only problem is, you’re not talking to the person who got you mad in the first place!

You are just sitting there, in all your seething anger glory, ignoring someone over something they did wrong. This is obviously not a healthy way to express your anger. Holding grudges does nothing but dig you in a deeper hole than you originally intended to. You hurt yourself more than you actually hurt the other person (no matter how many times you kill them in your head). You can’t walk away and ignore the person, who pissed you off, forever. You have to talk.

Solution: Get over yourself. Yes, get off your high horse. Step out of that comfort zone and actually have a conversation with the person. Communication is key in any relationship and if you see that there was something wrong, talk about it. We aren’t juvenile anymore. We’re adults.

Lashing Out

Being pushed to your breaking point and actually unloading all your anger on one person, is no bueno. In one way, you are expressing this anger and you are telling them that you have just gotten pissed off, but in another way, you’re unloading a ton of things that, later on, you’ll regret.

See, when you’re angry, your frontal lobe (ie the front part of your brain that helps discern behaviors, moods, impulse, etc) shuts off or becomes dormant when you lash out. It isn’t until after you’ve come down from the episode that you realize “fuck, did I really mean that?”, “Ugh, what is wrong with me?”, etc.

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Solution: Think before you react. Take a step back and listen to what the other person is saying. Before you react to a situation, you are still in control of your actions, your frontal lobe hasn’t gone dormant…yet. It’s only when you flip-out and all hell breaks loose, that your frontal lobe just becomes dormant for a bit and then resumes all its functions once you cool down. Also, learning what makes you tick helps loads, so do this by doing some introspection, i.e taking out a piece of paper and making a list of anything that makes you mad.

Isolation

Now this is different from the silent treatment. Isolation is when you become so mad, so angry, not at just one person, but at the whole situation and the people involved, that you withdraw yourself from it all together. You want no part in it. You’re pissed and just done with all of it.

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This is a bad thing, especially if you decide to isolate yourself while the situation is still in progress. Be it a discussion with the parents, a discussion with friends, etc. You should never shut down or mentally isolate yourself from a discussion the moment that you are exposed to perspectives that aren’t yours. In other words, don’t leave a conversation if the person has a different view on a subject you care about.

Isolating yourself doesn’t allow for you to listen to other opinions. Truthfully, it is an act of being stubborn. I used to do this all the time. Anytime I heard opposing views from anyone, I would shut down and write the person off.

Solution: Be open to all opposing views and hear people out. Take a step back and analyze why you are feeling hostile towards the subject. Allow yourself to be honest, without getting angry or condescending.

Anger can be managed and you can navigate through it. Most of these strategies have helped me in many situations. For more info on how to effectively communicate your anger or whatever is bothering you to the other person, check out my post on The Power of Communication

Sending a ton of love and light your way! Let me know if these mindful posts have helped you in your everyday life!

Aye! Shop with me on Amazon! 

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They’re People, Too

Hey guys! It’s not just thanksgiving, but pretty soon it is gonna be early black Friday shopping, which means only one thing…. LET THE CHRISTMAS SHOPPING BEGIN!! Fight to the death for the things you want…Right? Wrong. No one should ever raise their voice at someone who is clearly trying to help them get the products they want. I’m talking about the retail workers who don’t have a choice, but to work on holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas, Etc. These are holidays where spending time with families and making memories are a crucial part of what make the holidays what they are. Special. I’m talking about all the general managers of the big toy stores, Office supply stores, Supermarkets, etc., who have to be at their jobs, especially on a day like today because they need to oversee operations, get everything in order and get merchandise stocked so that they can be sold to customers, among many other things. You guys are the real MVP.

Today and Tomorrow are going to be chaotic and because we live in a society where we want things right here and right now, it makes it difficult for people who aren’t retail workers to be conscious of how crazy they sound. But how the hell would I know, you ask? I used to work in retail. For 3 months. Now, 3 months doesn’t compare to 3 years of retail experience but its something that I can put on my resume, right? Haha.  I know that 3 months isn’t enough to know everything there is to know about the inner workings of a store, but it is enough to provide some insight to how retail workers feel and since I have had and exposure to what Season (what my co-workers and I would call the Black Friday/Christmas shopping season) is like. So without hesitation, I’m going to tell you all about how retail workers feel, how you can be conscious to their feelings, and most of all, how you can control the anger that comes with wanting everything here and now.

From a retail worker standpoint, their job description does not entail that they take your shit. Honestly, is it plastered on their forehead, “Hi, Welcome to *insert store name here*, I am ready to take your shit”? NO IT DOES NOT.  So before you go all, “This isn’t the product I wanted”, “Can I please speak with your manager”, “You’re doing an awful job”, Think about the fact that these are HUMANS. They are living and breathing humans, like you and me. They deserve the same amount of respect that everyone else does. You, the customer have no right to look down on these people. They take the time out of their day from their families, to go to work and to help people like you. Before you think about raising your voice at an employee, PLEASE consider the following:

Do you think you can make your point without yelling?

Are you harboring a deep seated anger that has nothing to do with the person who is trying to help you?

If you answered yes to the 2 questions, then you need to re-evaluate how you can diffuse the situation. Be conscious of the fact that they can make mistakes too. They’re not superhuman.  If you want respect from someone, you can’t just demand it. You have to earn it, regardless of where and who you are. Take a deep breath and realize that maybe you, the customer, need to make your needs known, so that the employee can do their part in helping you get what you need. It’s hard enough that you’re in the middle of chaos, but please understand that employees are in the middle of it, too and they are doing all they can to make sure you get what you need.

Please take a deep breath if you need it and ask, politely, where you can find your item. In the midst of all this chaos, keep in mind that one little deep breath can go a long way in making sure that the situation goes smoothly. If you’re a retail worker, don’t constantly do this every time you come across a guest who needs help, as it will look like you’re huffing and puffing and blowing down the house made out of straw (hah 3 little piggies remark), but do it as needed. Customers included. I don’t care what your level of patience is, but learn to be patient with the employee and customer, vice versa. Yelling at someone and constantly being on their ass, does not make them bring out your product faster. Calmly, but firmly telling them that you need something does. You have to understand that on days, like today and tomorrow, these employees have what feels like, 501+ things to do, please don’t be a dick and scream obscenities at them when they’re not bringing out your product. It’s disrespectful and quite frankly makes you look like a child throwing a temper tantrum. Don’t do it.

Keep in mind that the employees are there to help you, not be your second class citizen who you can just shit on. They are there to make sure you have a pleasant experience while shopping, in the midst of this chaos. Don’t chuck items at them and expect them to catch it, they’re people, too. Chucking things at them not only causes more chaos and does not diffuse any situation. Help them help you. Do your part as the customer and they’ll do their part as the employee/gen manager.

Have you ever realized that some employees, have to work on a day like today? Do you ever realize that more than half of these employees have their own families they need to get home to? Be considerate of the employees this holiday season, their job isn’t easy, but they’re the ones doing it. Holiday shopping is stressful, but we can all help each other have a good experience.

Happy thanksgiving, everyone!

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