Backing It Up

Happy Thursday y’all! I hope everyone is doing FANTABULOUS TODAY! I mean amidst all the piles of work I have to get done and not to mention finals coming up, I am well and good! I hope you all are doing well!

I know what you’re thinking, this title is kiiiiiinda misleading. In this post, I am not talking about backing that booty up, please, what kind of blogger do you think I am? haha. Seriously though, what I mean by backing it up is searching for your sources. My one rule of thumb: look at things objectively rather than subjectively. Take everything you hear about someone or something, with a grain of salt. Lately, I’ve been doing just that. I used to fall for anything and everything people have said to me, about me, which in the end, didn’t make me too much of a happy camper. Thankfully, I have learned about myself , since then and have realized that there’s always more to the story.

Back in high school, I was pretty naïve. By that, I mean I was pretty gullible, anyone could fool me and tell me the tip of the iceberg, maybe even enough of a story to get me to be on their side, because it’s high school. What better way is there than to get people on your side and have them pit against the other person, right? Most of the time, I would get my stories wrong and not have adequate back up, so I would most likely start forming my opinions without even bothering to hear the other side of the story.

That has gotten me into trouble… Many times… Mainly because I would speak too soon and say stupid shit I didn’t mean.

But If you want to know the whole story about someone you know, go to the source, the person themselves. Because getting the story through another person, as we may do so often, is kinda like the game Telephone, where the thing that was originally said in the beginning eventually changes as you literally pass the message down the line. What you start with, i.e the truth, isn’t exactly what you end with, i.e an over exaggerated truth from what the story actually is.

My big rule of thumb: Until you get the whole story, don’t say shit

I recently caught up with a friend of mine who I haven’t seen in the longest time. I’ve heard a bunch of stories about them and It honestly got to be too much. I had to go to the source and know what their side of the story was, before I could start forming my own opinions. I’m not going to go into too much detail about the story that was told because it is not my story to be shared with the world. What I will tell you is that what I had heard from them definitely changed my perception of what I thought about the whole situation.

What shocked me the most was the fact that people are willing to hear from people who weren’t directly involved with the situation. It’s like you’re getting a comment from the peanut gallery. What’s more is that if you rely on the story told by other people, chances are you’re going to be having the same opinions that they had. Their reaction, becomes your reaction.

Like I’ve said before in my previous posts, I am a genuine person, so in order to have a genuine opinion, you best believe that I’m going to go straight to the source, now.

Would you rather go off and get a story that you heard from someone else or would you rather go straight to the source and form your own opinions based on the real thing?

Advertisements

Fear of The Future

Happy December, everyone! I’ve been so busy this past week, which was why I had LITERALLY no time at all to keep you guys updated on the next big thing! So I apologize, but I’m here now, so let’s talk!

Lately I’ve been doing things that plays roles in planning ahead. I’ve signed up for courses in Spring 2018, continued on my process of applying to colleges, applying for scholarships, among other things.

In the midst of all of this, however, I sense a familiar wave of emotion that kind of washes over me. Fear, if you will, of the future. The same fear that just paralyzed me and played an integral role in my depression the first time around. That same fear of the future, which made me realize that I would be going from a place where I knew where everything was and who my friends were, to a place where I didn’t know any of that and therefore, I would have to learn to do that all over again.

Learning new things and doing something different doesn’t always have to be a bad thing. It could be a positive experience for you. You’ll never know until you make that first step. I used to accept change with such grace, but what part of my anxiety and depression has affected was how I perceived change.

Now, big changes affect me, but that’s normal, right? People are affected in one way or another to big changes, like moving to a new city and going to school. For me, if I want change to happen in my life, I need it to be small and gradual. Of course, in this fast paced world we live in, nothing ever comes small or gradual, it comes at us the size of a train going 150 mph.

But I’ve learned that we cannot be afraid of that change. We must accept it and learn to face this fear, embrace it, and live our lives. The future is in another dimension, it’s something that we prepare for. Why should we be fearful of it? We spend years preparing for a job that we want, we take all the courses necessary to be able to do all things in an appropriate and ethical manner, we prepare ourselves for the degree we want.

As I’ve said before, it is normal to be afraid of the future, because that fear is the same fear that helps us and motivates us. This fear is the one where you actually care about being successful in the future. Paralyzing fear, however, has been known to be detrimental for you. You care too much and you literally cant sleep because, on top of caring too much, you are also thinking about it too much. Instead of working for us, it works against us and we work for it, fueling any insecurities we may have about ourselves. In reality, you don’t have to overthink your future successes, no one is telling you to detail every aspect of your future. Only you are ingraining that into your mind. I mean, think about it, if we were to narrow everything down in our future down to a T, where does that leave the present? Where are you now? What’s even more, is if all of us think too profoundly into the future, imagine how high our stakes are.

Imagine having only one aspiration that leads you to a house, family, etc., what are the odds that it might change? We shouldn’t have to hold one general idea or one general goal and expect that same goal to be the same. For example, for many years, I’ve always wanted to be a doctor or something along the lines of the field of medicine. I would watch all these medical shows and be fascinated at the knowledge of doctors in their fields. But then in my Junior year of high school, I wanted to be a Physical Therapist, I had my plan figured out, I would major in bio then apply for a seat in the Physical Therapy program at the college that I would go to. By the time I got to my senior year of high school, I wanted to become a Physician Assistant(PA), so I toured schools looking for a perfect fit in their Pre-PA majors. I didn’t really find it. So that’s when I resorted to Nursing. When I applied to a school for Nursing, I got my acceptance letter, buuut… I wasn’t exactly in the Nursing program, I was Undeclared-Nursing, which meant that I would be taking a course that was required of all first-year nursing majors and I’d have to work my way up into the Nursing program. I ended up switching my major the second semester of that same year. The reason why I took too long in realizing that working in the medical field just wasn’t for me, was because I was still stuck in that mindset of holding one general idea about myself and my future. When I realized this, I thought to myself, “what would my life be like if I wasn’t a nurse?” “What other job is out there?”.

Fast forward to now, I am happy to see how far I have come and how this experience has led me to where I am. I’m a Communications major with a focus in Marketing and I am looking to get my MBA in Marketing, as well. My dream is to work in Digital Marketing and hopefully contribute to the overall growth of sales and provide ideas for more traffic on certain sites.

The fact of the matter is this: You can plan for your future all you want, you are entitled to how you feel about it, too, but always be open to what life throws at you. Don’t ever feel like you have one set choice. In this life, we have an unlimited amount of choices and it’s up to us to find one that suits our goals. All of this is meant to give you perspective in this life, mapping out your future is a good way to start gaining some perspective, but don’t go overboard. Enjoy your present and be open to your future.

 

 

 

They’re People, Too

Hey guys! It’s not just thanksgiving, but pretty soon it is gonna be early black Friday shopping, which means only one thing…. LET THE CHRISTMAS SHOPPING BEGIN!! Fight to the death for the things you want…Right? Wrong. No one should ever raise their voice at someone who is clearly trying to help them get the products they want. I’m talking about the retail workers who don’t have a choice, but to work on holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas, Etc. These are holidays where spending time with families and making memories are a crucial part of what make the holidays what they are. Special. I’m talking about all the general managers of the big toy stores, Office supply stores, Supermarkets, etc., who have to be at their jobs, especially on a day like today because they need to oversee operations, get everything in order and get merchandise stocked so that they can be sold to customers, among many other things. You guys are the real MVP.

Today and Tomorrow are going to be chaotic and because we live in a society where we want things right here and right now, it makes it difficult for people who aren’t retail workers to be conscious of how crazy they sound. But how the hell would I know, you ask? I used to work in retail. For 3 months. Now, 3 months doesn’t compare to 3 years of retail experience but its something that I can put on my resume, right? Haha.  I know that 3 months isn’t enough to know everything there is to know about the inner workings of a store, but it is enough to provide some insight to how retail workers feel and since I have had and exposure to what Season (what my co-workers and I would call the Black Friday/Christmas shopping season) is like. So without hesitation, I’m going to tell you all about how retail workers feel, how you can be conscious to their feelings, and most of all, how you can control the anger that comes with wanting everything here and now.

From a retail worker standpoint, their job description does not entail that they take your shit. Honestly, is it plastered on their forehead, “Hi, Welcome to *insert store name here*, I am ready to take your shit”? NO IT DOES NOT.  So before you go all, “This isn’t the product I wanted”, “Can I please speak with your manager”, “You’re doing an awful job”, Think about the fact that these are HUMANS. They are living and breathing humans, like you and me. They deserve the same amount of respect that everyone else does. You, the customer have no right to look down on these people. They take the time out of their day from their families, to go to work and to help people like you. Before you think about raising your voice at an employee, PLEASE consider the following:

Do you think you can make your point without yelling?

Are you harboring a deep seated anger that has nothing to do with the person who is trying to help you?

If you answered yes to the 2 questions, then you need to re-evaluate how you can diffuse the situation. Be conscious of the fact that they can make mistakes too. They’re not superhuman.  If you want respect from someone, you can’t just demand it. You have to earn it, regardless of where and who you are. Take a deep breath and realize that maybe you, the customer, need to make your needs known, so that the employee can do their part in helping you get what you need. It’s hard enough that you’re in the middle of chaos, but please understand that employees are in the middle of it, too and they are doing all they can to make sure you get what you need.

Please take a deep breath if you need it and ask, politely, where you can find your item. In the midst of all this chaos, keep in mind that one little deep breath can go a long way in making sure that the situation goes smoothly. If you’re a retail worker, don’t constantly do this every time you come across a guest who needs help, as it will look like you’re huffing and puffing and blowing down the house made out of straw (hah 3 little piggies remark), but do it as needed. Customers included. I don’t care what your level of patience is, but learn to be patient with the employee and customer, vice versa. Yelling at someone and constantly being on their ass, does not make them bring out your product faster. Calmly, but firmly telling them that you need something does. You have to understand that on days, like today and tomorrow, these employees have what feels like, 501+ things to do, please don’t be a dick and scream obscenities at them when they’re not bringing out your product. It’s disrespectful and quite frankly makes you look like a child throwing a temper tantrum. Don’t do it.

Keep in mind that the employees are there to help you, not be your second class citizen who you can just shit on. They are there to make sure you have a pleasant experience while shopping, in the midst of this chaos. Don’t chuck items at them and expect them to catch it, they’re people, too. Chucking things at them not only causes more chaos and does not diffuse any situation. Help them help you. Do your part as the customer and they’ll do their part as the employee/gen manager.

Have you ever realized that some employees, have to work on a day like today? Do you ever realize that more than half of these employees have their own families they need to get home to? Be considerate of the employees this holiday season, their job isn’t easy, but they’re the ones doing it. Holiday shopping is stressful, but we can all help each other have a good experience.

Happy thanksgiving, everyone!

Learning to Be Your Own Best Friend

Hey everyone! I hope you all are doing well. It’s been quite a while since I blogged, but I am back and ready to share with you guys! For this post, I’m gonna be talking about the benefits of being friends…. with yourself! Now I know this sounds a little bit ironic, because not too long ago, I wrote a post (which was in the format of a letter) to a best friend, i.e another person. I’ve learned that that post didn’t have to be about one person, but that it can be about multiple people close to you in your life. The post might be very well about me, you, different people in our lives, your dog, etc. If you want to read it, I’ll provide the link below this post!

So becoming your own best friend? What’s that, you ask?

Well, you know how you can be friends with other people? Well you can be friends with yourself too! I know what you’re thinking. Karen, you cant be friends with yourself! Who says I can’t?! In fact, I read in an article, not too long ago, that if you wanted to keep your anxiety and on-going thoughts at ease, you should treat yourself as if you were talking to a friend in their time of need.  It also stated that if you are friends with yourself, you are more able to be gentler to yourself, in terms of your intrapersonal communication. Intrapersonal communication is your self-talk. How do you talk to yourself? Do you tend to talk down on yourself or do you talk positively about yourself?

If you answered any of the above as negative and ‘I talk down on myself’, then chances are you need to be there for yourself. Do things alone! Go your own way, literally do anything YOU want to do! Anything that sets your heart free? Yes. So about a year ago, I was getting used  to the college I go to and was mildly depressed. I was stressed out most of the time, I wasn’t eating, and at the time, I didn’t have any friends I could count on! I knew very few people at the time that I could hangout with.

One day while I was all down and out, my mom came up to me and told me, hey, if you’re ever feeling down or bored, why don’t you head out, on your own?  ON MY OWN?! I thought. How do people just “go out on their own”?! Like isn’t that what old people do when they’re widowed? As you can tell, this was my flow of logic. I thought that being alone and doing your own thing was a bad thing, I was always told that I should always go with someone when I wanted to go some place. As my mom opened up and told me the story of how whenever she felt alone or bored, being a stay-at-home mother at the time, she found excuses to get out of the house. She would go out, sometimes just to the stores and not even buy anything, but just browse! Of course, if she liked something or found it useful, then she would buy it. The amazing thing about that story was, She was able to use that to help keep her wandering mind at ease. It was something that helped her.

So, I took her advice and I went out. I ventured out into the unknown. In search of what? Well, I was about to find out. I remember feeling afraid, anxious even. I went to this high-end mall that had a ginormous forever 21 and wonder at every turn. I’ve done things alone before, but since I was in a vulnerable state at the time, where I wouldn’t go out on my own, unless it involved driving to school and coming home soon after that.  Being alone was a first for a while.

Fast forward to now, looking back at that experience, I honestly believe that doing things alone has been the greatest thing I have ever done! I realized that I was never alone, God is always with me and he has guardian angels watching over me. As he does with anyone else. He has all of your best interests at heart. In this experience, I’ve learned more about myself than when I would hangout in a group of people (haha the effects of groupthink). I actually took the time to get to know who I am and what I want out of life. Had it not been for that,  I wouldn’t have learned about myself and love myself for who God made me to be. Thankfully, it led me to meet the friends I have had the ultimate pleasure of meeting this year.

Always keep in mind that, you are never alone. Learn to do things on your own and you’ll be amazed by the benefits of doing so!

 

Dear Best Friend

Dear Best friend,

I’ve been thinking about you for quite a bit and it sucks that you live in another state, but I’m always here for you. You are hard-working, smart and brilliant, you amaze me with your ability to remember and recall things you have read. Lately, it seems like you’ve been pretty distant. Based on what has happened in the past, I get it. You have a tough time trusting people and when you do finally open your heart up to someone, especially a guy, you feel like you’re walking on air, because for the first time in your life you feel understood, validated. You shouldn’t feel validated by someone who just gives you the time of day, you should be finding that from inside of yourself.

Believe that you are worth more, that you are blessed beyond measure with a support system, and that you deserve the best. Learn to love yourself first before searching for a man who will give you that same satisfaction. I mean, think about it, how are people going to love someone who does not love themselves first? How can you want a love that everyone else has with their significant others, when you don’t have a loving relationship with yourself? I love you, but I cant make you see the way I love you, if you are not willing to see the beauty in yourself.

Don’t feel hurt by your past. The past is a lesson learned and it doesn’t always have to be a negative thing. The past is what makes us human, it makes us stronger, it molds us into the people we strive to be for tomorrow. The way I see it, that while the past is a mixture of good and bad things, you have a choice. You can choose to be afraid of the future and angry at the past or you can choose to be proactive and push forward, eager to see where the future takes you. You cannot be mad for what has happened. As the saying goes “whatever has happened, happened”, therefore whatever happened in the past, cannot be altered, changed, or deleted. You can’t go back and change it because what has happened, happened for a reason. As I’ve said before, do not look down at your past mistakes, situations, etc, those serve as a purpose to educate you, a chance for you to learn about yourself and the people involved. Past mistakes can be made into positive triumphs, but they cannot be made into positive triumphs if you continue paralyzing yourself over what has already happened. Enough! You’ve done all you could in the situation, if it didn’t work out, it didn’t work out!

You need to surround yourself with people who really see your worth and see you for the amazing person you really are, because you deserve it. You deserve to be free from your hellish demons, that whisper a lie to you every time you don’t perform up to par. Don’t let them win, don’t give them the power to alter your reality. Instead, ground yourself with the utmost truth, that you matter and the world is better a betterplace with you in it.  God made you in His image and likeness. Why would you think of yourself, otherwise? He makes no mistakes. You are my best friend and I want to see you conquer these demons and come out on top, for once.

But you won’t be able to conquer these demons in your head and the stresses of life, unless you become equipped to fight for the life you want to live.

Sending Strength and Love,

Karenn

Vibe a Little

Learn to Live

UptightPrettyGirl

Lifestyle and Fun

Alys Journals

mental health and lifestyle

UniquelyMe

Why be normal when you can be unique?

%d bloggers like this: