The Insatiable Void and How to Deal With It

Hey! Its been quite a while since I’ve last blogged! So let’s get down to business! What’s a void? A void is a negative term used to describe this big, gaping hole in someone’s mind and soul. It’s something that you fill with only temporary things. It’s that unsatisfying feeling you have when you feel like something is missing, so therefore you feel like you need someone or something to fill the big, gaping hole. But the question I’m hoping to find the answer to is… Why do we feel this way? 

Well, I’m gonna talk about the voids, that most people have and how they think that if they go without something for a certain amount of time, they think they’re nothing or just simply, dissatisfied.

Some examples include:

  • Shopping for name brands (i.e Coach, Calvin Klein, Tory Burch, etc.)
  • Having Sex with different people
  • Doing Drugs/ Getting “high”
  • Alcohol
  • Perfectionism
  • Work

So lets start off with the first bullet point, shall we?

Shopping for Name Brand clothing and accessories. Yes, we all have fallen victim to these beautiful names, like Prada, DKNY, Michael Kors. But do they really define us as people? Are the things we own, as far as name brands, something we can put on a college application, let alone a cover letter for a job? “Hi, My name’s Karen and I own a Michael Kors bag and a limited edition Tory Burch pocketbook”! Do you realize how ungenuine and discourteous that sounds? It sounds like a ton of fluff. No one needs to know that stuff, unless anyone asks. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I hate name brand clothing and accessories, I actually love them, but i just feel that it shouldn’t be the only thing that should define us as people. I do believe though, that you can never go wrong with a little ‘treat yo self’ on that new fendi bag you have your eye on! HA!

Up Next on my bullet points is: Having Sex

Here’s the thing about having sex: it’s GREAT, right? Especially, when your S.O hits it in all the right places.

But here’s the thing they don’t teach you in Sex-ed: In the act of having sex, you are literally giving yourself to someone. Like a part of you, your energy, your aura, goes with the person you have sex with and in turn, they also leave you with a part of them as well.

Now the thing that I LOVE about this topic is, Girls and Guys can attest to this next part.

For girls: When she has sex with a guy, she tries to see if, later on she will have the same effect with another guy. The more she sleeps with a different guy, each time, trying to get the same effect, the more likely she is of developing a big, gaping hole. What will eventually happen is she’ll go on in this cycle in search of this satisfaction.

For guys: He can sleep with multiple girls, still come home to you and have sex with you like it’s no problem. But what eventually happens is, even though he got a lot of booty, he will feel unsatisfied and will experience a similar effect that a girl has when she sleeps around.

Alright on to the next onee!

Doing Drugs/ Getting High

Let’s make something really clear: Drugs have their highs and their lows. LITERALLY! Ha-Ha!

People often turn to drugs for a good time. A nice trip. Not only for the awesome feeling, but also to fill a… wait for it… VOID!!

Now that’s not to say that I have it out for anyone who does drugs. NOOO. Not at all, I’m just saying that if you do it, who am I to say you can or cannot do it? I am in no position to tell you, how to live your life.

But what I am saying is that you should only really take part in this if you have the correct mindset going into doing so. A friend of mine explained that the correct mindset is when you see that you are content with yourself, with how life is now, with what your reality is, etc.

A lot of time what people will do, is use the drug to take them away from their stressful lives, and completely take out their mindset, or emotional state, out of the equation. If you are trying to numb all the emotions and tuck them reaaaally deep inside, what ends up happening is you begin to do drugs to avoid a problem. Avoiding a problem does not solve it. It only makes it worse. The only way you can solve your problems is to face them head on.

I understand stress. I understand the need to blow off some steam. But you need to look for other healthier ways to relieve the stress. If your mindset, emotional states, do not help the situation you’re in, chances are, you are using drugs to fill a void and are also avoiding a problem that is only going to get worse over time.

Alcohol

Ahhh. The taste, the relaxed feeling you get after shots, the glorious hangover you get from drinking your cares away! The wonders of alcohol!

Simply put, if you think you feel 10x more attractive and sexier when you drink, chances are, you are using alcohol to fill a void.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t drink, I love drinking! But, like I said before: it all boils down to moderation. If you’re not drinking water in between shots or drinks, how are you moderating yourself? Three should always be your lucky number. If you’re already looking to get trashed, then don’t even bother following my three’s a limit. Knock yourself out!

Just keep in mind, that I am in no position to tell you how much you should be drinking. Not only does it boil down to moderation, but also boils down to what your age, weight, height, medical history and if your family has had a history of alcoholism. I am no doctor to determine that, but those factors should be taken into account the next time you drink and realize if you are using alc as a way to numb or suppress an anxiety you may have.

 

Perfectionism

One of the last things I will talk about is the incessant drive to be perfect. It’s all around us. In our homes, schools, Jobs, and even towns. At home, it almost seems easy, everything as it should be, pots and pans in a cupboard, remote controls in one spot, rooms all neat and tidy, etc.

At school, whoever has the most perfect attendance, wins a certificate. 4.0 gpa, another award. class participation, gets you a point higher on your final grade and the teacher commenting on how well you have participated in class.

But what happens when all you do is base all your successes on what you think is perfect or what it means to be perfect?

Perfect grades, Perfect Attendance, but still not happy?

That is when a void sets in. You feel like if you don’t get a good grade you don’t amount to anything and that you don’t deserve anything on God’s green earth, all because, what? A “bad grade”, “not doing your best”? Straight A’s or not you deserve anything and everything this world has to offer. Just because you didn’t make dean’s list doesn’t mean that can’t be your goal for the next time dean’s list goes out! Try your best and do all you can to do well, but don’t wear yourself down or stress yourself out! Take on a positive attitude and an “I am Enough” self-concept.

The sad truth of the matter is: we are not perfect. We were not brought into this world to be good at everything, we all have our quirks that make us stand out and things that set us apart from other people. Still, That does not make you in any way, less than, or more than people. Just equal.

So don’t beat yourself up for not being something that is not even attainable to achieve. You are you and that’s the best person you can be.

 

 

Work

 A friend of mine recently brought up that the idea of working to fill the void. While it’s a good way to keep yourself distracted, it can also be bad, especially if you are just going through the motions of the work you are doing. I think it’s one of the few “voids” that is as equally as good as it is bad haha.

Then again, anything ranging from art, to hiking, walking , gaming or taking pictures, etc. can be a void without us knowing it. It all depends on the notion if it really is good or not.

Then again I’m not saying that everyone has a void… Some people are actually okay with what they have, content even! Essentially, it is possible to be content with what we have.

For example, I have a friend who is happily divorced and its not a void for her. Its not her priority. If the perfect guy comes around in her life, great, if not, that’s fine too. She has kids and grand kids, so it’s not like she’s missing out on anything.

But there’s also a thing where we feel the need for something, but we’re not always sure of what it is. Frankly, that was something I used to struggle with in high school and in my first year of college, when I was away from home. It’s funny, just when I thought I was okay and content with my life, I somehow reverted back to what I was missing.

We can look for something, not valuing what we have and  when that happens, we realize that we want what we had before. So all it is, is perspective. How we see the world, What we want out of it, and how we get what we want without having a void. All of that begins with you.

If you or a loved one is suffering with any mental health issues, anxiety, alcoholism, or substance abuse, please contact:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1‑800‑273‑TALK (8255) or Live Online Chat

SAMHSA Treatment Referral Helpline – 1‑877‑SAMHSA7 (1‑877‑726‑4727)

 

“Each day death corrodes what we call living, and life ceaselessly swallows our desire for the void.”-  Jindřich Štyrský

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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How to Get On the Right Path In Your Life This Year

Hello there! It’s been a while since I last blogged! I’ve been meaning to write something like this since the New Year started! So without further ado! HA-HA. I present to you, my readers, ways on how YOU can get on the right path and where you want to be, in terms of your life, this year and how you can achieve the goals you’ve had for a while, but have not known where to start. I just want to say that I am beyond excited for the new adventures this year holds and of course what God has in store for all of us (because believe it or not, He grants us awesome adventures, too!) So lets get started!

So if you’re bored most of the time and feel that you have nothing to do, other than instagram, snapchat, facebook, twitter, repeat. Then you should look for a hobby!

Hobbies can be anything you want them to be, you can take knitting classes, crochet classes, painting classes, etc. OR if you are a make-up fiend like me, sign up for some beauty classes at Sephora, they’re completely free to all beauty rewards members!

There are tons of things for you to do and for you to learn!

Try making a dreams poster, if you ever feel lost in your life and you need something that keeps you grounded, this is definitely a craft for you. All you need is poster paper, and at the center of this you put your support system(it can be your friends, family members, anyone who makes you feel good) and to the upper right hand corner, as well as downwards you put any academic goals( so if you want to transfer or graduate from a specific university, put it on there; if you want to get your bachelors and doctorate, then you put that there). If you have any careers you’re dreaming about, but don’t know where to start, put down a couple that interest you in the bottom right hand corner. Then on the bottom left hand corner put all the places you want to travel to at some point in your life. Finally, on the top left hand corner put people you look up to as well as other aspirations, like having a family, living in a big house, etc. etc. Most of all, have fun with this!

If you’re someone like me, who loves to learn new things and immerse themselves in unique experiences, then I recommend that you go to a conference.

About two weeks ago, I went to a Social Justice conference at my school. We talked about a myriad of issues in today’s society, most of which we know about and are always looming over us as young adults. The main purpose of this program was to bring to mind the different issues among many ethnicities and how we can respond to those indifferences in our society. Ethnicities was a major part of what we talked about and we stemmed from that to talk about different issues that bother us in our everyday lives, like the stigma of mental health, sexual orientation, and differences in privilege, mainly how that varies from person to person, based on their race/ethnicities, socioeconomic class, age, among many other things. After that event, I can sincerely and honestly say that I actually learned something and got something out of attending an awesome event! I gained a lot more insight and awareness in terms of diversity. I got to hear many stories, ideas, along with different points of views, that were definitely well-articulated. This conference really helped me open my eyes to not only the issues in our society, but how thankful I am to have experiences like these. Experiences that make you realize ” wow, I am so blessed to be able to go to school with people who recognize the similar issues that we-of a different race-all go through” , or that being surrounded with a group of people who think outside of the box and offer interesting new insights to how we can solve the problems that we as young people, being exposed to this first hand, whether it be working our way through college, dealing with financial aid, scholarships, racism, etc. It’s then that you realize how amazing and valuable each opinion is. I met so many new people that day who think and have similar beliefs as me and really enjoy learning new things in just about anything!

Next goal, if you want to get fit, toned and ready for summer 2k17, then I recommend that you consult with a doctor or a person who knows a great deal about nutrition and exercise and if you’d like to take it a step further, enroll at a gym!

As with anything that takes some time to get used to, getting up early and hauling your ass to a local gym is tough at first, but keep in mind that consistency is key. The more consistent you are with going to the gym, the more it becomes a habit. Just because you worked out in the morning on one day, doesn’t mean you should follow that same schedule. It is completely up to you. If you’re more of a night time work-out person, that is completely okay. If you want to alternate between days, like one day go in the morning, another day go at night, you can do that! That is your choice! I’m more of a wake-up-early-get-gym- over-with-kind of person haha. But given the schedule I have this semester, I’ve gotten flexible with my hours.

Make sure that you are eating healthier, sleeping well, and choosing healthier substitutes to your everyday diet. When you workout, you should not be eating like crap. I mean it’s good to treat yo’self to a good dessert or cheat meal every once in a while, but always remember moderation is key when it comes to eating right. As far as I know, if you want results, make the necessary changes to your diet. Something as small as giving up soda, is just as good as choosing a salad over cookies. Again, I am not a doctor, so therefore I cannot say what you should and shouldn’t eat or what absorbs what at the molecular level. The choice is completely up to you and your fitness goals.

Whatever you decide to do this year, whether its discover a new hobby, working out/ getting to a new lifestyle, or making the decision to go back to school, remember to always have a positive attitude while doing so. I understand that, in this day and age, its like

“how the hell is that possible?!”

Well, it’s actually easier than you think. The key is to notice when you are getting negative thoughts, that contribute to a negative attitude, and try to counteract those with positive thoughts and attitudes.

Just be happy, don’t look for another reason why you shouldn’t be. Be happy with the fact that you are going to become a newer person by the time 2017 ends. You will have learnt new things and actually have different attitudes on things that once either bothered you or dissuaded you. Make this year, the year YOU become happy. If you’re happy when you’re looking for a new hobby, or a new workout plan, GO FOR IT! I am behind you 100% in anything positive and worthwhile you want to immerse yourself in. Just as long as you’re happy doing your own thing, thats all that should really matter. Anything positive that you want to do in your life or anything that you want to change for the better? Do it. Do it with an eager heart and a positive attitude.

Salud y Fuerza!

(Health and Strength)

 

 

 

 

10+ Things To Be Grateful For 

In life, we are often caught up in what we have to do, as far as our studies and careers. We become so accustomed to our daily routines: wake up, shower, get dressed, eat, leave for work, work, have dinner, sleep, repeat. But the problem is when we get too accustomed to our everyday routine, it becomes boring and it almost becomes unenjoyable. The sad reality is most people get so caught up in this routine of what they have to do and what needs to be done, that they often take things for granted. Sometimes even among college students, our lives consist of eat. sleep. attend class. work. study. repeat.

What I’m trying to say is we get so caught up in our daily lives, that we forget about the important things in our lives, like our dreams and aspirations. So let me just start off by saying this we all get wound up in our routines that we don’t realize the little things in life. Instead of focusing on things we already have, we get caught in things we want. It’s so easy to get wound up in that mentality,yet we don’t realize it until we think about our blessings.

Which brings me to this question:

What are you going to do differently in 2017?

So the following is translated from Spanish. I hope I made sense with the overall messages behind these objects.

The ceiling: do you know what I look at when I wake up in the morning? The ceiling. What does the ceiling symbolize, the endless possibilities and the ability to continue succeeding to the fullest of my ability. 

The window: showed me that one has to observe and enjoy the marvelous things the universe has to offer

The watch/clock: showed me that each second and minute is valuable!

My Mirror: taught me that one should always auto examine themselves before acting and not to fall under the pessimism that everything is passenger.

My calendar/planner: taught me that I should stay up-to-date and to live in the moment. The past and the future have not yet existed, so why should I worry about something that has either happened, is done and over with, or has not happened and is yet to occur?

The door: taught me to open my heart and mind to go after the goals that I have not yet achieved. That God has me entrusted and has my best interests at heart.

The Floor: taught me to get on my knees each morning and never forget to pray to God who is the one who gives us everything we have/ need so that we can live how He desires for us and our families.

Simplified version:

Be thankful for the amazing support system in your life. Be thankful for the opportunity to wake-up  in the morning. Be thankful that you are working towards your education. Be thankful that you have a job. Be thankful for the ability to walk, talk, and move around. Be thankful for the ability to love, to have feelings and passions, because without them we are nothing. Be thankful for your health. As sad as it is, there are people in our world, that have it worse than you. There are people out there who would kill for the opportunity to wake up in the morning with no ailments that restrict them from living life. Ultimately, Be thankful and stop complaining about your life, because there is always someone (in general) who has it worse than you. There is always someone who may have it worse, but chooses to look at things from a different and often positive perspective.

“Find a good happy place. A positive one” – Shonda Rhimes, author of Year of Yes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Meaning of Being in a Relationship and Staying Single

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Whats the deal with relationships these days? Frankly, the way i see is,  it’s either you’re in one or you’re not. There shouldn’t be any in betweens.

So a while back i was thinking about something about relationships now a days and now that i have it, i’d like to share it with all of you. Society has done many things like: a. make us feel like we can’t attain a set standard they set for us or b. completely bash the celebrities who have actually fought with their inner demons and have finally realized what it means, to them, to finally be happy with who they are and who they’re meant to be all along. But im not posting this to go into detail about a and b. I want to bring into focus that among the many things that society has done, there is one that really stands out in my mind: the way it conditioned us to think about relationships. Society has conditioned us to think that once we enter a relationship with someone, our moods shift from being ehh to being happy. Let it be known that getting into a relationship, doesn’t really solve all your problems and i get that it seems like it does, it really doesn’t. You shouldn’t be stemming all of your happiness from one person. Happiness should stem from you and only you, even before you even get into a relationship with someone. Because the moment that you set your happiness on that one person, is the moment that they might just turn around and hurt you, therefore making them the reason why your everything just became your nothing, real quick.

The thing about relationships is that its a really touchy subject. Look, I’m not here to bash on anyones beliefs on what a relationship is or how youre supposed to feel in a relationship, I’m just stating from my experience and what I’ve noticed. From my perspective, Love isn’t characterized by someone liking your photo on Instagram or how many times they have commented on you photo. Love is not described as writing a paragraph long caption stating why and how much you love someone. Love isn’t characterized by seeing who texts first in the morning or an instant text back.  Love is something that really shouldn’t be between the whole world and you two. It’s only ever supposed to be about the two of you and what you want out of the relationship.

Now, I’ve recently decided to take a vow of celibacy. At first, it was for shits, but quickly I began to realize the reason why I’m doing this. I realize that I am a woman of worth and that I really shouldn’t be dumbing myself down to being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t even acknowledge my worth as another man would. It annoys me when people, mainly guys say-about girls- “oh look man, she’s single, you gonna hit that?”- like even if she was looking for a man, think about it, would she be looking for someone like the guy I just mentioned? Most likely not. But we also have to take into account if that kind of person is what she’s into.  If she’s a different person, with different goals in mind, she would be someone who is really not looking for anything.  There are so many more factors that may impact someone’s reasons as to why they’re not ready-right away- to get into a new relationship.
But the fact of the matter is, I don’t really care if you’re in a relationship or not, all I care about is if you’re happy in the relationship and if you are happy, then my opinion shouldn’t really matter to you. Genuinely, I respect and admire those who realize they need to figure out exactly what they want and reflect on that through the things they love. That’s what I’m doing. I’ve found that I love yoga and I’ve been praying a lot more, so not only am I helping to strengthen myself physically, but also spiritually. You don’t have to declare yourself celibate to find what you like, but you can find what you like and, at the same time, meet people who fulfill the same things you’re interested in. But I declared celibacy for a wide range of things, mainly just to focus on myself. I want to focus on myself and on my happiness before I jump into a relationship with someone.

Okaaay that’s all folks!

Self-Validity in the Eyes of God

 

Hey there! It’s been a long time since i last blogged on here. So let’s talk about one of the most important subjects that are pretty personal: Self-Validity in the Eyes of God. So what is self-validity? Well to me, it means knowing who you are and realizing that you are a person worth of love. Which brings me to another point… I really hate seeing girls continuously letting themselves  be defined by the opinions of other guys. So what? Who gives a fuck about their opinions? The only opinion who you should care about is from the one from above. Self-worth doesn’t come from external sources like how many likes you get or how many guys you’ve slept with. Just because you didn’t get as many likes you wanted doesn’t mean that it makes you worth less than who you are. You are you. If people don’t like your photo, who gives a shit. There are more important things than yourself in this world. I really hate seeing people lose sight of this. I hate when they live their lives according to what other people think. It shouldn’t matter. Why? Because you are an individual, and individuals live their lives on their own terms. What people think about you shouldn’t matter. If you form your thoughts around how people see you and what they think about you, you will become depressed. Yeah everyone will still have their opinions, but what will only matter is what you think about yourself. Once you know that, you then find out who you are and you learn to love who you are.

It has taken a really long time to realize my self-worth and to forget about what people think about me. I think it took me a while to learn to love who i am. I learned to accept every part of myself, the physical, emotional, and mental parts of myself. I didn’t think there was such a thing as loving yourself, i thought it was a joke, but it really isn’t, it’s possible to love yourself for the person you are. I think everyone is beautiful in their own ways, but sometimes those people don’t even see it. And that hurts me. Because i used to be that way. People would say that i’m beautiful all the time, but i would never bring myself to believe it. Whenever i got down on myself and broke down crying, my mom would always tell me how beautiful i am and how i should learn to love who i am. Confidence is sexy. I became more confident in my freshman year of college. I mean, senior year was the year i became confident, but i fell under a dark depression towards the end of that year.

I believe that once you become confident, the boys start to line up to get with your confident self

That’s another thing. Only get into a relationship when you’re confident with who you are. Too many times, i have seen people who aren’t confident with themselves, get into relationships in hopes of having the person they’re going out with , to like them the way they are. The thing is, you cant make someone love you the way you don’t love yourself. How’s that even possible? It isn’t. When you’re in a relationship, you have to be confident, with what you want out of the relationship, what you want with the person, and above all, confident with yourself. When you’re not confident with any of the things i’ve listed, you’re simply not fit for a relationship. That’s through no fault of your own, you gotta know what you want and who you want and why you want what you want in a relationship.

Oh and respecting yourself too. When you learn to respect yourself, a magical thing happens, people see that and they begin to respect you are you respect yourself. Funny, huh? It takes you to get people to respect you. Respecting yourself also stems from knowing who you are and what you want out of a relationship. When you respect yourself, it shows how beautiful you are and how you demand to be treated. And how you are not one to fuck around with, but how you are one to fuck with.

 

Okayy Thats all Folks!

 

Lord grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

 

God Bless, My brothers and Sisters in Christ!

 

 

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