Why Being Needy Isn’t Good

People can’t stand someone who is needy. I can’t stand a needy person. Being needed every once in a while is nice, but being needed all the time feels almost too draining. It is suffocating.

When I asked for a guy’s perspective on the matter, they said that being needy is flat out unattractive.

So here’s a scenario: say you like someone and you’re talking about them to all your friends, but you have no idea if this kid likes you or not.  You’re constantly giving them attention, without having any reinforcements showing you that this person really shares your feelings.

You are so dependent on them that you don’t realize how much you are actually hurting yourself. In short, being needy is not a good thing.

When you’re in a relationship, being too needy can lead to only one thing: the break-up.

Now this post aims to help you or someone you know, how to not be needy, what you can do instead, and how to be conscious of it in a relationship.

I’m not saying you should be so independent that you must show to everyone how un-needy you are, because where are people needed if you claim this? But what I’m saying is you have to be able to find a happy medium that isn’t too stand-off-ish or too needy, and that can be hard. So that’s where I come in.

You are dependent on a person, instead of on yourself

Being needy shows a lack of self worth. It shows that you depend on someone for your own happiness or sense of security. I have gotten so tired of hearing needy people say things like “My heart is aching for someone to love me” , “he is my world” or my favorite, “Woe is me, I am so tired of being left out in the cold with my heart broken”

Wake. The. F%^&. Up

You are a strong, man or woman. You are capable of having your own happiness, and having that same happiness stem from within yourself. You do not need to rely on someone who can “light up your world like nobody else”, light up your own world. You are in control of your own happiness.

Do you need someone to keep you warm at night? Not necessarily. Learn how to do that on your own. Learn to be alone and content with yourself. Sometimes, it is okay to focus on yourself, focus on what you need and how you can supply some of these things that you look for in a person (i.e warmth, love, cuddles, etc). Again, I am not saying that you have to be a lone wolf, but what I am saying is that you should learn to treat yourself with the same love and warmth as one would in a relationship, for the time being, until you find the right person.

Now, I’m gonna tell you a little story. As crazy as it sounds, I used to be needy.


Yes. you read correctly. I remember one time my freshman year in college, I sparked up a conversation with this kid and next thing I know, I’m texting him non-stop, feeling sorry for myself every time he didn’t answer me back, the whole enchilada.

But it turned out that I just liked the idea of him. I didn’t take into account the subtle social cues he was using to let me down easy.  I didn’t see or take into account how he made me feel, but instead fixated on how I was making him feel. So when I “fell for him”, I was surprised and crushed at the fact that he did not feel the same way.

Through many lessons I learned in my first year of college, I learned a lot about myself and how to be conscious of the neediness I had expressed. I am not a perfect person. I am still working on this and it has been so invigorating being able to see my worth in myself rather than on another person. Finding your worth is also a work in progress and something one should always strive for everyday.

Finding a happy medium between independent and needy

Being independent is one extreme, but being needy is another extreme.

So here is a pro and cons list of independent and needy


  • Pro of being independent: You rely on yourself and not on others to achieve your goals.
  • Pro of being needy: none


  • con of being independent:  If you’re too independent and insist that you don’t need help at all in accomplishing your goals, it makes you look bad. It makes you sound like you are so much better off without them. While it may not be what you say, it could be something that you do very often and vice versa.
  • con of being needy: what was just outlined before. If you rely on someone for your overall happiness, where does that leave you? You end up looking like an overly- obsessed girlfriend or boyfriend.

So please learn to be conscious of when you are needy with such actions as:

  • Texting/Calling bae or someone you’re ‘talking’ to more than three times a day.
  • Talking about the person you’re talking to when the other party hasn’t even asked about how your relationship is progressing.
  • Relying on them as your only source of happiness
  • Being a little impatient or jealous when you see a photo with another girl or guy who just is their friend.

Finding a happy medium in all of this could be as simple as not doing any of the behaviors I just listed.

This list could go on, but if you have anything to add on the matter, don’t hesitate to share your thoughts in the comments below!

Thanks for stopping by!


10+ Things To Be Grateful For 

In life, we are often caught up in what we have to do, as far as our studies and careers. We become so accustomed to our daily routines: wake up, shower, get dressed, eat, leave for work, work, have dinner, sleep, repeat. But the problem is when we get too accustomed to our everyday routine, it becomes boring and it almost becomes unenjoyable. The sad reality is most people get so caught up in this routine of what they have to do and what needs to be done, that they often take things for granted. Sometimes even among college students, our lives consist of eat. sleep. attend class. work. study. repeat.

What I’m trying to say is we get so caught up in our daily lives, that we forget about the important things in our lives, like our dreams and aspirations. So let me just start off by saying this we all get wound up in our routines that we don’t realize the little things in life. Instead of focusing on things we already have, we get caught in things we want. It’s so easy to get wound up in that mentality,yet we don’t realize it until we think about our blessings.

Which brings me to this question:

What are you going to do differently in 2017?

So the following is translated from Spanish. I hope I made sense with the overall messages behind these objects.

The ceiling: do you know what I look at when I wake up in the morning? The ceiling. What does the ceiling symbolize, the endless possibilities and the ability to continue succeeding to the fullest of my ability. 

The window: showed me that one has to observe and enjoy the marvelous things the universe has to offer

The watch/clock: showed me that each second and minute is valuable!

My Mirror: taught me that one should always auto examine themselves before acting and not to fall under the pessimism that everything is passenger.

My calendar/planner: taught me that I should stay up-to-date and to live in the moment. The past and the future have not yet existed, so why should I worry about something that has either happened, is done and over with, or has not happened and is yet to occur?

The door: taught me to open my heart and mind to go after the goals that I have not yet achieved. That God has me entrusted and has my best interests at heart.

The Floor: taught me to get on my knees each morning and never forget to pray to God who is the one who gives us everything we have/ need so that we can live how He desires for us and our families.

Simplified version:

Be thankful for the amazing support system in your life. Be thankful for the opportunity to wake-up  in the morning. Be thankful that you are working towards your education. Be thankful that you have a job. Be thankful for the ability to walk, talk, and move around. Be thankful for the ability to love, to have feelings and passions, because without them we are nothing. Be thankful for your health. As sad as it is, there are people in our world, that have it worse than you. There are people out there who would kill for the opportunity to wake up in the morning with no ailments that restrict them from living life. Ultimately, Be thankful and stop complaining about your life, because there is always someone (in general) who has it worse than you. There is always someone who may have it worse, but chooses to look at things from a different and often positive perspective.

“Find a good happy place. A positive one” – Shonda Rhimes, author of Year of Yes









The Meaning of Being in a Relationship and Staying Single

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Whats the deal with relationships these days? Frankly, the way i see is,  it’s either you’re in one or you’re not. There shouldn’t be any in betweens.

So a while back i was thinking about something about relationships now a days and now that i have it, i’d like to share it with all of you. Society has done many things like: a. make us feel like we can’t attain a set standard they set for us or b. completely bash the celebrities who have actually fought with their inner demons and have finally realized what it means, to them, to finally be happy with who they are and who they’re meant to be all along. But im not posting this to go into detail about a and b. I want to bring into focus that among the many things that society has done, there is one that really stands out in my mind: the way it conditioned us to think about relationships. Society has conditioned us to think that once we enter a relationship with someone, our moods shift from being ehh to being happy. Let it be known that getting into a relationship, doesn’t really solve all your problems and i get that it seems like it does, it really doesn’t. You shouldn’t be stemming all of your happiness from one person. Happiness should stem from you and only you, even before you even get into a relationship with someone. Because the moment that you set your happiness on that one person, is the moment that they might just turn around and hurt you, therefore making them the reason why your everything just became your nothing, real quick.

The thing about relationships is that its a really touchy subject. Look, I’m not here to bash on anyones beliefs on what a relationship is or how youre supposed to feel in a relationship, I’m just stating from my experience and what I’ve noticed. From my perspective, Love isn’t characterized by someone liking your photo on Instagram or how many times they have commented on you photo. Love is not described as writing a paragraph long caption stating why and how much you love someone. Love isn’t characterized by seeing who texts first in the morning or an instant text back.  Love is something that really shouldn’t be between the whole world and you two. It’s only ever supposed to be about the two of you and what you want out of the relationship.

Now, I’ve recently decided to take a vow of celibacy. At first, it was for shits, but quickly I began to realize the reason why I’m doing this. I realize that I am a woman of worth and that I really shouldn’t be dumbing myself down to being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t even acknowledge my worth as another man would. It annoys me when people, mainly guys say-about girls- “oh look man, she’s single, you gonna hit that?”- like even if she was looking for a man, think about it, would she be looking for someone like the guy I just mentioned? Most likely not. But we also have to take into account if that kind of person is what she’s into.  If she’s a different person, with different goals in mind, she would be someone who is really not looking for anything.  There are so many more factors that may impact someone’s reasons as to why they’re not ready-right away- to get into a new relationship.
But the fact of the matter is, I don’t really care if you’re in a relationship or not, all I care about is if you’re happy in the relationship and if you are happy, then my opinion shouldn’t really matter to you. Genuinely, I respect and admire those who realize they need to figure out exactly what they want and reflect on that through the things they love. That’s what I’m doing. I’ve found that I love yoga and I’ve been praying a lot more, so not only am I helping to strengthen myself physically, but also spiritually. You don’t have to declare yourself celibate to find what you like, but you can find what you like and, at the same time, meet people who fulfill the same things you’re interested in. But I declared celibacy for a wide range of things, mainly just to focus on myself. I want to focus on myself and on my happiness before I jump into a relationship with someone.

Okaaay that’s all folks!

Self-Validity in the Eyes of God


Hey there! It’s been a long time since i last blogged on here. So let’s talk about one of the most important subjects that are pretty personal: Self-Validity in the Eyes of God. So what is self-validity? Well to me, it means knowing who you are and realizing that you are a person worth of love. Which brings me to another point… I really hate seeing girls continuously letting themselves  be defined by the opinions of other guys. So what? Who gives a fuck about their opinions? The only opinion who you should care about is from the one from above. Self-worth doesn’t come from external sources like how many likes you get or how many guys you’ve slept with. Just because you didn’t get as many likes you wanted doesn’t mean that it makes you worth less than who you are. You are you. If people don’t like your photo, who gives a shit. There are more important things than yourself in this world. I really hate seeing people lose sight of this. I hate when they live their lives according to what other people think. It shouldn’t matter. Why? Because you are an individual, and individuals live their lives on their own terms. What people think about you shouldn’t matter. If you form your thoughts around how people see you and what they think about you, you will become depressed. Yeah everyone will still have their opinions, but what will only matter is what you think about yourself. Once you know that, you then find out who you are and you learn to love who you are.

It has taken a really long time to realize my self-worth and to forget about what people think about me. I think it took me a while to learn to love who i am. I learned to accept every part of myself, the physical, emotional, and mental parts of myself. I didn’t think there was such a thing as loving yourself, i thought it was a joke, but it really isn’t, it’s possible to love yourself for the person you are. I think everyone is beautiful in their own ways, but sometimes those people don’t even see it. And that hurts me. Because i used to be that way. People would say that i’m beautiful all the time, but i would never bring myself to believe it. Whenever i got down on myself and broke down crying, my mom would always tell me how beautiful i am and how i should learn to love who i am. Confidence is sexy. I became more confident in my freshman year of college. I mean, senior year was the year i became confident, but i fell under a dark depression towards the end of that year.

I believe that once you become confident, the boys start to line up to get with your confident self

That’s another thing. Only get into a relationship when you’re confident with who you are. Too many times, i have seen people who aren’t confident with themselves, get into relationships in hopes of having the person they’re going out with , to like them the way they are. The thing is, you cant make someone love you the way you don’t love yourself. How’s that even possible? It isn’t. When you’re in a relationship, you have to be confident, with what you want out of the relationship, what you want with the person, and above all, confident with yourself. When you’re not confident with any of the things i’ve listed, you’re simply not fit for a relationship. That’s through no fault of your own, you gotta know what you want and who you want and why you want what you want in a relationship.

Oh and respecting yourself too. When you learn to respect yourself, a magical thing happens, people see that and they begin to respect you are you respect yourself. Funny, huh? It takes you to get people to respect you. Respecting yourself also stems from knowing who you are and what you want out of a relationship. When you respect yourself, it shows how beautiful you are and how you demand to be treated. And how you are not one to fuck around with, but how you are one to fuck with.


Okayy Thats all Folks!


Lord grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.


God Bless, My brothers and Sisters in Christ!