Relationships, they’re pretty special, ya know? Frankly for me, having that one person there for you in a time of need is a good feeling because they are someone who I can talk to and definitely count on. But I have one question…
What makes a good relationship?
A good relationship isn’t always the kind that you see publicized on social media. In my eyes, I don’t really see much importance in writing long captions about how amazing a significant other is all the time. It’s good every once in a while, but not all the time. I feel that it’s more than that.
A good relationship is something that has been built upon over a course of a few months, a few years. It’s the kind where you enjoy every minute you have with this person, you enjoy the conversations that take place and the endless amounts of things you can talk about with this person. Most of all, I think it also boils down to how this person makes you feel (check out my other post on this concept of Marrying The Right Person ) and what they see in you.
A good relationship with someone is where you can push them to become a better person and they can do the same thing. The way I see it, they should support you and be a positive influence in your life. They should be making time for you.
Now with every good quality, I’m just going to illustrate some things that should not happen in the relationship, some red flags if you will.
In a good relationship, what shouldn’t happen are the following:
- rushing into a relationship for the sake of having one
- focus is solely on physical intimacy
- nonchalantly talking down on your significant other/ limiting them.
- Not spending enough time with them
These are just a few things on the long list of red flags that really stand out to me. Regardless of how obvious each one is, we are just going to treat them with an equal amount of importance. So lets go into detail with each one!
Rushing into a relationship for the sake of having one
This is something that I have seen time and time again… We live in such a fast paced world where we are starting to notice that everything from electronics and social media is moving at the speed of light. But that doesn’t mean that forming a relationship should be as fast. When you meet someone for the first time, they become an acquaintance. The more you see them, you naturally work towards becoming friends and then seeing if they really align with what you look for in a person. Keep in mind that this doesn’t happen overnight. This happens over time. I feel like more meaningful relationships can be made if people actually took their time with someone.
My main rule of thumb is: make sure that you set down a strong foundation for the relationship. Once you and the other person are in agreement that you want a relationship to come out of this foundation stage, work towards it. When you set down a foundation for the relationship, you are in control of how long you both want to relationship to be.
Don’t rush into the relationship with the sole purpose of filling a void, enter the relationship with the sole purpose of finding someone who shares your similar beliefs and helps you to see another perspective.
Focus is solely on physical intimacy
So it’s one thing to rush into a relationship, but it’s another to completely SKIP the whole relationship aspect and jump straight to physical intimacy. I wouldn’t really call it a ‘relationship’ per se, because quite frankly, it is complicated and there is always one person in this who catches, what I like to call, the feels. This is a very depreciating cycle, in that you are willing to give your body up to someone whenever they want, but you aren’t willing to be with someone who will give you more than just that. You want to be with someone who isn’t just good for your body, but good for you as a whole. You deserve that.
Also take into account the fact that at some point, you are going to have to talk about why this physical intimacy has become a thing between you and the other person. What are you expecting to come out of this? A relationship? Something else? Make these known to your partner, because its one thing to go into this thing not knowing what can come out of it and its another to come out feeling like you wasted your time. If you’re seeking a real relationship, then why are you wasting time with someone who only wants ten minutes of a good time?
Nonchalantly Talking Down on your significant other/ Limiting them
This is a big no-no in my book. In my lifetime, as well as everyone else’s, I’ve been talked down by my exes, whether it be my appearance or what I’ve wanted to be.
Sometimes, these words don’t mean much coming from the lips of this person, but to you, those words are unnecessary and not at all the kind of help you are hoping to get from someone. Especially if its coming from someone whose opinions you value. But if you know that something you say could be taken the wrong way, make sure that you let the other person what you are trying to say and from there you can have an understanding between you and the person.
On another note, It’s fine if you don’t agree with something your significant other says, but its another thing to disagree AND talk down on their views. That’s another no-go. As humans, we should be able to listen to each other, it doesn’t always mean that we have to agree with everything that they have to say, but make note of the areas of where they make valid points. Think about ways where you can add to those valid points. Find a common ground between you and the person. A major part in communication, is our ability to listen to each other and understand what they mean. Honestly, I feel that there is not a lot of that going on these days.
Another thing to note is the aspect of limiting someone. Limiting people and stopping them from what they really have a passion for, is a BIG red flag. You want to be with someone who wants to be there for you in all stages of your success. If someone has a passion for something that you see them having a talent for, then LET THEM DO IT. I don’t see why anyone would want to be a road block in your path, if it’s something that you set out to do. Always be supportive, because they probably lack that support at home.
Not spending enough time with each other
Now, this right here, is a huge red flag. I don’t care if the person you are with is busy all the time. If they care about you and love you, they will make a way to come and see you. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. If you’re in a long distance relationship, then time is of the essence, especially because on the days you may have break, the first thing you’d want to do is see your significant other. That’s the main part of the relationship, actually spending time with the person you love.
If they aren’t putting in the time to make the relationship flourish and grow, then that’s a red flag in my book. The bottom line is if you or the other person can’t pencil each other in on days that you are free, then where is your free time going?
I mean think about it from the stand point of a long distance relationship, every once in a while you should make a plan with your person to talk or even video chat!(because we have that now!) You don’t necessarily have to talk everyday, because maybe work calls for some extra hours or school requires a little bit more of studying some nights.
However, always remember this: every little bit of time counts. So put in the time if you haven’t been doing so already and show your boo how much you care about them.
Take notes, everyone! Work hard in your relationships and be a better person for your significant other!
Let me know what you think and if I should do more of these pieces in the comments below! thanks!