Why Being Needy Isn’t Good

People can’t stand someone who is needy. I can’t stand a needy person. Being needed every once in a while is nice, but being needed all the time feels almost too draining. It is suffocating.

When I asked for a guy’s perspective on the matter, they said that being needy is flat out unattractive.

So here’s a scenario: say you like someone and you’re talking about them to all your friends, but you have no idea if this kid likes you or not.  You’re constantly giving them attention, without having any reinforcements showing you that this person really shares your feelings.

You are so dependent on them that you don’t realize how much you are actually hurting yourself. In short, being needy is not a good thing.

When you’re in a relationship, being too needy can lead to only one thing: the break-up.

Now this post aims to help you or someone you know, how to not be needy, what you can do instead, and how to be conscious of it in a relationship.

I’m not saying you should be so independent that you must show to everyone how un-needy you are, because where are people needed if you claim this? But what I’m saying is you have to be able to find a happy medium that isn’t too stand-off-ish or too needy, and that can be hard. So that’s where I come in.

You are dependent on a person, instead of on yourself

Being needy shows a lack of self worth. It shows that you depend on someone for your own happiness or sense of security. I have gotten so tired of hearing needy people say things like “My heart is aching for someone to love me” , “he is my world” or my favorite, “Woe is me, I am so tired of being left out in the cold with my heart broken”

Wake. The. F%^&. Up

You are a strong, man or woman. You are capable of having your own happiness, and having that same happiness stem from within yourself. You do not need to rely on someone who can “light up your world like nobody else”, light up your own world. You are in control of your own happiness.

Do you need someone to keep you warm at night? Not necessarily. Learn how to do that on your own. Learn to be alone and content with yourself. Sometimes, it is okay to focus on yourself, focus on what you need and how you can supply some of these things that you look for in a person (i.e warmth, love, cuddles, etc). Again, I am not saying that you have to be a lone wolf, but what I am saying is that you should learn to treat yourself with the same love and warmth as one would in a relationship, for the time being, until you find the right person.

Now, I’m gonna tell you a little story. As crazy as it sounds, I used to be needy.


Yes. you read correctly. I remember one time my freshman year in college, I sparked up a conversation with this kid and next thing I know, I’m texting him non-stop, feeling sorry for myself every time he didn’t answer me back, the whole enchilada.

But it turned out that I just liked the idea of him. I didn’t take into account the subtle social cues he was using to let me down easy.  I didn’t see or take into account how he made me feel, but instead fixated on how I was making him feel. So when I “fell for him”, I was surprised and crushed at the fact that he did not feel the same way.

Through many lessons I learned in my first year of college, I learned a lot about myself and how to be conscious of the neediness I had expressed. I am not a perfect person. I am still working on this and it has been so invigorating being able to see my worth in myself rather than on another person. Finding your worth is also a work in progress and something one should always strive for everyday.

Finding a happy medium between independent and needy

Being independent is one extreme, but being needy is another extreme.

So here is a pro and cons list of independent and needy


  • Pro of being independent: You rely on yourself and not on others to achieve your goals.
  • Pro of being needy: none


  • con of being independent:  If you’re too independent and insist that you don’t need help at all in accomplishing your goals, it makes you look bad. It makes you sound like you are so much better off without them. While it may not be what you say, it could be something that you do very often and vice versa.
  • con of being needy: what was just outlined before. If you rely on someone for your overall happiness, where does that leave you? You end up looking like an overly- obsessed girlfriend or boyfriend.

So please learn to be conscious of when you are needy with such actions as:

  • Texting/Calling bae or someone you’re ‘talking’ to more than three times a day.
  • Talking about the person you’re talking to when the other party hasn’t even asked about how your relationship is progressing.
  • Relying on them as your only source of happiness
  • Being a little impatient or jealous when you see a photo with another girl or guy who just is their friend.

Finding a happy medium in all of this could be as simple as not doing any of the behaviors I just listed.

This list could go on, but if you have anything to add on the matter, don’t hesitate to share your thoughts in the comments below!

Thanks for stopping by!


The Power of Respect

Hey guys so, I know it’s been a while, but I was just given this amazing opportunity to be able to give a talk today for this thing called a Read-in. We honored Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. So here is the piece that I decided to read yesterday!


“The time is always right to do what is right.”- Martin Luther King Jr.

So today’s post is gonna be about the one thing that should be instilled in everyone from a young age but isn’t. There are going to be people in your life who genuinely either do not show you respect because of their lack thereof or they simply don’t know how to show you that respect because no one ever taught them.

Respect is a huge thing and quite honestly, it has been a huge thing for a while now. It is something that is so essential to everyday life, and so easy to do.

So why do people lack it?

Disrespect and ignorance kind of go hand in hand with each other. In today’s world, respect isn’t shown as much. They way you parent a child,

Like how do some people expect to be given respect, if it hasn’t even been earned? I mean, think about it, you can’t just walk into a position of authority and demand respect. That’s not how it works. You need to build that trust so that you can respect someone. If you want to be a better person, part of it has to do with being open to all opinions and respecting the opinions that may not be yours. Then again, you don’t have to agree with an opinion you don’t really see fit to your experiences.

Just respect their opinions and understand where they are coming from. You can’t really know what their experiences were, which is why you should always stay open minded and above all, be tolerant of those views.

Everyone has different experiences and come from all walks of life. You are given opportunities to meet these people everyday, regardless of age, race, gender, sexual orientation, and/or disability. R E S P E C T them, that’s all that anyone asks.

I feel like the more we respect, the more we can understand each other and listen to each others views, then we can learn about where other people are coming from based on their frames of reference.

By frames of reference I mean areas of knowledge, like general experiences we have had throughout our lives, that we can provide another insight or perspective on the matter.

We need to be open to those perspectives, respect one another and realize that we are all humans, who are capable of learning respect and tolerance. So begin today.

thank you.


It was such an exhilarating experience to be able to listen to some of the poems that people found surrounding the topic of Martin Luther King Jr., the injustices in today’s society among many more. It’s amazing to see and learn a different perspective.

The Power of Communication

“It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it.”

I’m sure we’ve all heard this at least once in our lives. We, as human beings learn from a very young age how to communicate using various sounds, movements that facilitate a message that lets the other party know what it is we want.

As we get older, we learn that communicating the way that we used to, doesn’t always work and we have to resort to another means of communication: using our words to convey what we want. The amazing thing about communication, though, is the fact that it is never ending. Communication episodes (just a fancy term for conversations), as they’re called, are not just complete with verbal communication, but nonverbal communication, as well.

Sometimes what isn’t said, is shown. For example, you could be having a communication episode with another person who is talking about cars. You’re not too interested in cars, but you try to stay engaged in the conversation. You might ask questions so that it looks like you’re engaged. Making eye-contact is a nonverbal and with that it indicates that they have your undivided attention. But let’s throw in the fact that this person just won’t shut up about the specific parts they used to make their “baby”, your nonverbals begin to show. In other words, you tighten up, you are taking deep breaths. I mean it’s only a matter of time before you practically explode. Then again, through those nonverbals, you are giving off the impression that you are losing interest in the subject matter. So what do you do?

Do you listen to this person drone on, despite already being impatient? or Do you try to change the subject?

When you listen on, your nonverbal communication can gradually increase. Your actions could go from being just impatient to impatient and pissed. So that is a no-go.

Changing the subject would be a better idea because not only are you allowing time for yourself to come up for air, you can talk about things that you and the other person have a common interest in.

Wow. The second answer was so seamless! Yeah. Surprisingly, a lot of conflict can be avoided with proper communication.

Granted, how you say things and how you phrase them, are also part of the battle. So here is a scenario…

Original:  “Matty is being a dick, he says he doesn’t want to be seen with me, yet his actions say otherwise”

How you said it: you don’t like how this guy is treating you, by the looks of it, he could be using you.

How you phrased it: condescending tone; visibly frustrated, tired of a constant pattern that is taking shape.

What can be done to remedy a misunderstanding like this…?


Solution: talk to this Matty person, tell him that he is making you feel like crap and that you don’t want to be playing this game where he doesn’t know what he wants.

Essentially by telling the person how they made you feel, you are then able to make your emotions known to the other person. Simple. But not a lot of people do it. If you think about it, not making your emotions known to someone, reinforces the belief they have that everything is okay. Regardless of what kind of relationship it is. You’re not in high school anymore, so quit assuming and reading too much into what another person is saying to you.

Here’s another scenario:

Original: “Oh my god, Tiffany just texted me this! She says that I ‘can’t hang’, how rude. ugh this calls for a petty response!”

How you said it: You’re surprised at this chick’s response and by the looks of it, you’re not sure what she meant, so your first instinct is to go full-on bitch mode.

How they phrased it: Shaken after reading a text; deciding to go full bitch mode, but also not sure about going that route.

This is another example of another kind of misunderstanding.

Solution: Why don’t you ask, “hey what did you mean when you said *insert their comment here* ?”. Explain how he/she made you feel when they said that and hopefully from there, you two can come to an understanding. Also, don’t resort to text message, if you know that your statement could be taken both ways. Better yet, if you’re not sure if something sounds wrong, then don’t send it. Instead, wait for the next time to talk to the person or if you don’t have the luxury of seeing them, call them up.

Bottom line: Communication is the key to healthy relationships. It is always necessary. Even though verbal communication ends when the conversation ends, nonverbal communication doesn’t. The way that we should navigate misunderstandings and miscommunication is by looking for a common ground so that both parties can be heard and understood.

Sending lots of love and light your way!

The Power of Forgiveness

Hey guys! I hope all of you are enjoying the first few days of the new year! If you’re having trouble finding ways to be motivated in your goals or have no goals for this year, check out my previous post Living Life With Arms Wide Open to see how you can get on the right track […]