The Insatiable Void and How to Deal With It

Hey! Its been quite a while since I’ve last blogged! So let’s get down to business! What’s a void? A void is a negative term used to describe this big, gaping hole in someone’s mind and soul. It’s something that you fill with only temporary things. It’s that unsatisfying feeling you have when you feel like something is missing, so therefore you feel like you need someone or something to fill the big, gaping hole. But the question I’m hoping to find the answer to is… Why do we feel this way? 

Well, I’m gonna talk about the voids, that most people have and how they think that if they go without something for a certain amount of time, they think they’re nothing or just simply, dissatisfied.

Some examples include:

  • Shopping for name brands (i.e Coach, Calvin Klein, Tory Burch, etc.)
  • Having Sex with different people
  • Doing Drugs/ Getting “high”
  • Alcohol
  • Perfectionism
  • Work

So lets start off with the first bullet point, shall we?

Shopping for Name Brand clothing and accessories. Yes, we all have fallen victim to these beautiful names, like Prada, DKNY, Michael Kors. But do they really define us as people? Are the things we own, as far as name brands, something we can put on a college application, let alone a cover letter for a job? “Hi, My name’s Karen and I own a Michael Kors bag and a limited edition Tory Burch pocketbook”! Do you realize how ungenuine and discourteous that sounds? It sounds like a ton of fluff. No one needs to know that stuff, unless anyone asks. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I hate name brand clothing and accessories, I actually love them, but i just feel that it shouldn’t be the only thing that should define us as people. I do believe though, that you can never go wrong with a little ‘treat yo self’ on that new fendi bag you have your eye on! HA!

Up Next on my bullet points is: Having Sex

Here’s the thing about having sex: it’s GREAT, right? Especially, when your S.O hits it in all the right places.

But here’s the thing they don’t teach you in Sex-ed: In the act of having sex, you are literally giving yourself to someone. Like a part of you, your energy, your aura, goes with the person you have sex with and in turn, they also leave you with a part of them as well.

Now the thing that I LOVE about this topic is, Girls and Guys can attest to this next part.

For girls: When she has sex with a guy, she tries to see if, later on she will have the same effect with another guy. The more she sleeps with a different guy, each time, trying to get the same effect, the more likely she is of developing a big, gaping hole. What will eventually happen is she’ll go on in this cycle in search of this satisfaction.

For guys: He can sleep with multiple girls, still come home to you and have sex with you like it’s no problem. But what eventually happens is, even though he got a lot of booty, he will feel unsatisfied and will experience a similar effect that a girl has when she sleeps around.

Alright on to the next onee!

Doing Drugs/ Getting High

Let’s make something really clear: Drugs have their highs and their lows. LITERALLY! Ha-Ha!

People often turn to drugs for a good time. A nice trip. Not only for the awesome feeling, but also to fill a… wait for it… VOID!!

Now that’s not to say that I have it out for anyone who does drugs. NOOO. Not at all, I’m just saying that if you do it, who am I to say you can or cannot do it? I am in no position to tell you, how to live your life.

But what I am saying is that you should only really take part in this if you have the correct mindset going into doing so. A friend of mine explained that the correct mindset is when you see that you are content with yourself, with how life is now, with what your reality is, etc.

A lot of time what people will do, is use the drug to take them away from their stressful lives, and completely take out their mindset, or emotional state, out of the equation. If you are trying to numb all the emotions and tuck them reaaaally deep inside, what ends up happening is you begin to do drugs to avoid a problem. Avoiding a problem does not solve it. It only makes it worse. The only way you can solve your problems is to face them head on.

I understand stress. I understand the need to blow off some steam. But you need to look for other healthier ways to relieve the stress. If your mindset, emotional states, do not help the situation you’re in, chances are, you are using drugs to fill a void and are also avoiding a problem that is only going to get worse over time.

Alcohol

Ahhh. The taste, the relaxed feeling you get after shots, the glorious hangover you get from drinking your cares away! The wonders of alcohol!

Simply put, if you think you feel 10x more attractive and sexier when you drink, chances are, you are using alcohol to fill a void.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t drink, I love drinking! But, like I said before: it all boils down to moderation. If you’re not drinking water in between shots or drinks, how are you moderating yourself? Three should always be your lucky number. If you’re already looking to get trashed, then don’t even bother following my three’s a limit. Knock yourself out!

Just keep in mind, that I am in no position to tell you how much you should be drinking. Not only does it boil down to moderation, but also boils down to what your age, weight, height, medical history and if your family has had a history of alcoholism. I am no doctor to determine that, but those factors should be taken into account the next time you drink and realize if you are using alc as a way to numb or suppress an anxiety you may have.

 

Perfectionism

One of the last things I will talk about is the incessant drive to be perfect. It’s all around us. In our homes, schools, Jobs, and even towns. At home, it almost seems easy, everything as it should be, pots and pans in a cupboard, remote controls in one spot, rooms all neat and tidy, etc.

At school, whoever has the most perfect attendance, wins a certificate. 4.0 gpa, another award. class participation, gets you a point higher on your final grade and the teacher commenting on how well you have participated in class.

But what happens when all you do is base all your successes on what you think is perfect or what it means to be perfect?

Perfect grades, Perfect Attendance, but still not happy?

That is when a void sets in. You feel like if you don’t get a good grade you don’t amount to anything and that you don’t deserve anything on God’s green earth, all because, what? A “bad grade”, “not doing your best”? Straight A’s or not you deserve anything and everything this world has to offer. Just because you didn’t make dean’s list doesn’t mean that can’t be your goal for the next time dean’s list goes out! Try your best and do all you can to do well, but don’t wear yourself down or stress yourself out! Take on a positive attitude and an “I am Enough” self-concept.

The sad truth of the matter is: we are not perfect. We were not brought into this world to be good at everything, we all have our quirks that make us stand out and things that set us apart from other people. Still, That does not make you in any way, less than, or more than people. Just equal.

So don’t beat yourself up for not being something that is not even attainable to achieve. You are you and that’s the best person you can be.

 

 

Work

 A friend of mine recently brought up that the idea of working to fill the void. While it’s a good way to keep yourself distracted, it can also be bad, especially if you are just going through the motions of the work you are doing. I think it’s one of the few “voids” that is as equally as good as it is bad haha.

Then again, anything ranging from art, to hiking, walking , gaming or taking pictures, etc. can be a void without us knowing it. It all depends on the notion if it really is good or not.

Then again I’m not saying that everyone has a void… Some people are actually okay with what they have, content even! Essentially, it is possible to be content with what we have.

For example, I have a friend who is happily divorced and its not a void for her. Its not her priority. If the perfect guy comes around in her life, great, if not, that’s fine too. She has kids and grand kids, so it’s not like she’s missing out on anything.

But there’s also a thing where we feel the need for something, but we’re not always sure of what it is. Frankly, that was something I used to struggle with in high school and in my first year of college, when I was away from home. It’s funny, just when I thought I was okay and content with my life, I somehow reverted back to what I was missing.

We can look for something, not valuing what we have and  when that happens, we realize that we want what we had before. So all it is, is perspective. How we see the world, What we want out of it, and how we get what we want without having a void. All of that begins with you.

If you or a loved one is suffering with any mental health issues, anxiety, alcoholism, or substance abuse, please contact:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1‑800‑273‑TALK (8255) or Live Online Chat

SAMHSA Treatment Referral Helpline – 1‑877‑SAMHSA7 (1‑877‑726‑4727)

 

“Each day death corrodes what we call living, and life ceaselessly swallows our desire for the void.”-  Jindřich Štyrský

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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